  Poor Man's Tiramisu from Panacea Take two slices stale Wonder Bread (or other disgustingly soft, white bread that you know is made with paste instead of whatever they put in health food bread). Toast lightly. If it's stale enough, you don't have to toast it at all. Spread Nutella (tm) or other chocolate spread on one piece of bread. Spread cream cheese on the other. You could use mascarpone but you're a poor loser and that shit is expensive, so philly will do.
Assemble sandwich with the sticky sides in. If you can't figure out how to do this, you are more of a loser than I thought. Cut sandwich into three or four "fingers" and dunk in cold coffee, as strong as you can get it. Play Billy Joel's "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant" in the background and pretend you are there. 
