  Chicken Sacrifice First get an oblivious roomate with a substance abuse problem. Turn in early while dipshit roomie goes out drinking. Sleep peacefully until about 4am. When the stench of war rouses you from your slumber, sit up and try to make sense of what you are smelling. It will be an intense death smell that makes you wish you had a second floor fire escape. Since you don't have one of those, force yourself downstairs despite thick clouds of foul smelling smoke with tears streaming from your half awake eyes.
Eject dumbass roomate from recliner using handy lever on side of chair. He will wake up somewhat but is still very drunk. As always, expect nothing useful from him and steel yourself for a trip into the source of the death fumes. Disregard the smoke alarm upstairs for now, and grab a shirt or something to use as an oven mitt. A saucepan will be emitting a plume of hellish greasy black smoke. Grab that pan and get it outside.
Open a lot of windows while wondering aloud how the fuck anyone could sleep 10 feet from that. Oh, and turn off the burner which is still glowing brightly on the highest setting. Go back to bed. In the morning examine the remains in the pan on your back porch. It should look like Pompeiian archaeological dig. Foamy black shit with bits of ribcage and bone knuckles protruding from it.
This was half of a chicken at one point, but your worthless roomate's drunken hubris has alchemically transformed it into an igneous fossil that is now one with the pan. Leave windows open for 7-9 weeks until you are sure the smell is not coming out of the furniture. Place furniture on curb. Serves two. 
