  Word of the day: VIRUS. Never a good word, unless someone is making some kind of virus cookies, virus being a secret sode for chocolate chip...Unfortunately that was not the context I was going to use it in.
So if you watch the news, you know about this worm virus-y thing that some 37 year old guy who lives in his mother's basement concocted. It goes into to your computer and randomly shuts it down, not before delivering this charming message about Remote Procedure Call being terminated or some BS.
So my computer had it, and my mother (God bless her soul) who has been influenced by my grandfather (God bless his soul) was convinced it was because we have too much stuff on our computer. I was forced to delete many, many files, including necessities, such as "The Announcemtent For A Swim Team Meeting In February" and "Tabs For Armageddon by Alkaline Trio".
They will be missed. So I turned to the Alexisonfire message board, as I do whenever I am posed with a situation like the one I was facing, and noticed a thread called "virus". I read it with a sort of sick fascination...I realized at that moment that I was no longer battling some strange malfunction..I was battling a full blown virus! Needless to say I was pumped with adrenalin (by my manservant who was standing behind me with a syringe.
I can no longer produce it naturally, a tragic story for another night) and immediately went out and purchased much commando gear at my local Army Surplus store. Six hours later, I had almost defeated the virus, which I will name Siddartha. It was a vicious battle. Siddartha would pop up, distracting my nimble fingers furiously at work, and then I would press some buttons and yell stuff in Spanish. In the end, neither party won. Siddartha's spawn (who I affectionately call "Pumpkin Head") still inhabits my computer.
I am unaware of how to chase the bugger from his nest, but it will be done. I swear to God it will be done. Now, two days ago I decided I would go hang out by the lake at 11 at night. I have made wiser decisions in my time (like sticking hot iron rods through my eye lids. MmmmmMM! ) and this was not one of them. I was attacked by mosquitoes. It sucked, to say the least (and no pun intended). All up and down my back, up and down my legs, and (the Mother of them all) on on my thumb. I'm sure the bastard got a healthy supply of my sweet, sweet blood, I mean, the THUMB!! It's known for it's supple, bloody texture...(sarcasm level=8.7). So today I wake up with a headache.
I never get headaches. Then my whole body starts to hurt. Then I nearly vomit (twice). Then I ask my mom to check my glands, and sure enough the right side of my neck is swollen. I am with fever, with cramps, and with child. Just kidding. But seriously, I have come to the conclusion that I either have West Nile Virus, or I was bitten by were-mosquitoes and soon I will take on full mosquito form and stalk the night looking for thumbs.
I am going to some sort of medical establishment tomorrow, and with the way they're run these days I'll probably die before the actual tests are preformed. This presents a problem, because Radiohead is on Friday. I will have to tell them to be sure to keep me alive till at least 10 at night. If I die, however, I leave anyone reading this reponsable for making sure Thom Yorke consumes my ashes.
It's been a dream of mine for quite some time. If I am alive tomorrow, I will make an effort to post something. Until then, goodbye cruel world. Oh, and on a different note, it was pointed out by my dear friend Darren that I neglected to add "Sabotage" as one of my favourite videos. I apologize to the Beastie Boys, who regularly read my blog, and assure them that I love the video and they're still my third favourite band. 
