  Preamble: I talked about a million different things in my last two posts, but the vast majority of the comments you-all posted in response were about: 1) sex and 2) porn. You are ALL a bunch of pervs. And I love you for it. But be warned: This post is about a weekend with my sister, her husband, my 2-year-old niece and my 5-year-old nephew. So there will be no sex or porn in this post for you to respond to. I just wanted to get that said.
So ... the weekend. First of all, my niece has finally learned to say "uncle. " So I am no longer Uppa Jake. Which kinda makes me sad. But this morning when I didn't understand her announcement that sounded like "Iwapaeeiatalt," she STERNLY clarified her statement: "I wen potty in the TAHlet! " So we're still getting cute language-related stories out of her.
She's also in that endearing how-far-can-I-test-other-people stage -- so when you tell her not to throw her hat, she throws it three more times. And when you take it away, she SCREAMS in indignation. Whee. Random toddler meltdowns notwithstanding, the five of us had a great weekend together. We rode the TRAIN, which was probably more exciting than anything else we did -- and, given that the kids are still young enough to ride free there's a painful irony when you consider how much it cost to get them into Shedd Aquarium on Saturday. Speaking of which, Shedd was probably the biggest disappointment of the weekend.
The place just didn't have the oomph I was expecting. It was interesting -- and crowded with families and kids. (And it was one of the many places that I decided this weekend were lousy locations for picking up men. ) And the dolphin show? YAWN. How could a show aimed at kids -- with cute dolphins doing funny tricks -- bore an entire auditorium full of kids?
It found a way. The arena is pretty spectacular, though -- with a view of the lake that can't be beat. We went there with our cousin John and his wife Laura and their two kids, who are the same ages as ours. (And by "ours" I mean "my sister's," but I didn't want to spell that all out and make this paragraph long and boring. ) Underwhelmed by everything in Shedd Aquarium, the nine of us headed outside to the grassy hills on the museum campus, where the adults (when did I become one of "the adults"? ) sat and talked and ate ice cream while the kids rolled around and had a WONDERFUL time -- again, without any cost to those of us with wallets.
From there, we meandered up to the magnificent new Millennium Park, which is now my favorite spot in all of Chicago. And then we headed home to dinner, baths, bedtime and time for the adults to sit around and have distraction-free conversation. Yesterday, after a leisurely breakfast of pancakes (my brother-in-law has started the traditin that the weekends are always Pancake Days for the kids, and I was excited to be able to play adult and cook them pancakes myself -- except I suck at making pancakes) we headed down to the new U.S. Cellular Field for my first Sox Game. USCF is an impressive, if not bland, structure that doesn't feel as massive as it is. And it has an amazing sound system. (This we know because the sound person kept playing little 3-second clips of songs all the goddamn fucking time whenever there was a lull in the game.
Because the White Sox are obviously worried sick that if there is one single moment where the fans aren't BOMBARDED with stimulation, we might all get immediately bored, pack up and leave. ) And call me a north-side snob, but I prefer the Cubs and Wrigley Field to the Sox and USCF. Maybe it's a convenience thing. Maybe it's an ambience thing (Wrigley has tons of it; USCF has none). Maybe it's a National League thing (designated hitters are for pussy teams). After the game, we did the dinner/bedtime/adult talk time thing again -- only this time we watched "Six Feet Under", which this week included sex scenes involving two men and two women.
Which is EXACTLY the kind of thing you want to watch with your sister. (OK -- so I guess I did work porn into this post. Go figure. ) And now it's Monday and I'm at work. And my back hurts from sharing a lumpy fold-out bed ("premium mattress" my ass ) with a 5-year-old who KICKS in his sleep. Cute kid story: To keep my nephew from wandering out in the hallway of my condo building, I told him there were hall monsters out there.
So the one time he went out in the hall and discovered we weren't behind him like he thought, he SCREAMED in terror. So I had to teach him to stomp every time he went in the hall to scare the hall monsters away. I'm sure the neighbors love me. 
