  Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. ~Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken Sometimes I wonder if I chose the right path... After completing my expensive university education, I chose to forgo the usual process of mass mailing resumes in the hopes of landing a cushy job at a pharmaceutical company or government lab with a good starting salary, health benefits, great overtime pay and possible bonuses and pension plans.
I chose instead to remain in Kitchener-Waterloo with a summer job that paid less than $10/hour to work with youth my age to develop a camp focusing on social justice, non-violence and environmental awareness (of course I was most interested and had a background in the latter topic, but learning more about the first two topics were definitely eye-openers for me).
Our target audiences were children from low-income families and kids who had some type of learning disability that prevented them from going to other camps, so that made me feel like a good citizen who was "giving back to her community".
Anyway....yes, I'm getting to the point: This job turned out to be the best I'd ever had, and served to place me firmly in a career path that was previously not so clear - I saw that this type of work meshed well with my values and wanted to continue working in the environmental field, and if possible, making a difference in young people's lives. And so, after the job ended, I went back to live with my parents to look for a new job. Starry-eyed and full of hope, I even thought that I might land my "dream job".
Months passed, and still nothing had come up that I felt passionate about. At this point, with personal funds dipping dangerously low and my parents' constant nagging, I was almost convinced to go back to the mass resume mailing process. Instead, against strong parent-pressure, I decided to postpone real life by going back to the well-known confines of school. January rolled around. Walking down the hall of the college that looked more like a high school, I was once more placed in a "first day at school" situation: am I going to fit in? Will I do well? And now also: is this actually going to help me with my career, or am I just piling more debt on myself for no reason?
Well yes, I did fit in (though strangely enough, the one person I really considered a friend and is still one now also went to Waterloo) and I did do well (there was a lot of griping about college policies, but that's for another time). As for helping my career out...well, I'd say yes to that too. I mean, I didn't get a job right out of my program, but I was less jaded about government and industry jobs.
I still wasn't ready to go applying to these places though...I just wasn't ready. I needed more time in the non-profit/charitable field before I could make a difference in these other areas. Volunteer and raise some money for yourself - a good way to get yourself off the ground in the environmental non-profit sector, that's what I found. Within 3 months of volunteering, I wriggled myself into a paid contract, then six months later I got a full-time position. My parents still weren't too happy about the lack of supposed "security" and benefits of a more (in their eyes) traditional job, but hey, it's my life, isn't it?
About a year and a half later, I applied for my current job: what I thought really WAS my dream job: I get to run programs where I work in the field, in the office, with students, liase with other non-profits, government agencies and academics. I get to educate people, monitor ecological health and help people take personal action to improve the environment in their community. People are getting to know me. I can really move up. I'm one of two full-time staff, so my input into the vision for the future of the organization gets heard and I get to help implement it too. Sounds all so wonderful, doesn't it? It's all peaches and cream on the outside, of course, but almost a year later, I'm wondering, is this really what I want?
Is this where I want to be? I'm having a tough go at it because there's just so much to deal with. I have dreams (more like nightmares) about work, I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about my "to do" list. Working with so many different people is great, except when you spend more time managing them than actually getting stuff done.
And when I hear about creek clean-ups, tree plantings or environmental events, I don't get that feeling of "hey, I can go volunteer and help out"...I feel instead like I have to go and work, because inevitably it becomes a good networking opportunity for the organization, or I get asked to bring a booth or guest-speak. I'm really having difficulty drawing the line between work and leisure time. I know - the road will diverge once again, and at that time, I'll have to decide what to do.
If I really wanted to, I'm sure I could cut the path myself whenever I feel that it's the right time. I know I shouldn't wait too long though, because I might burn myself out before that. Hopefully though, I'll instead have achieved the balance I'm seeking and I will have left all that anxiety behind so that I'm just enjoying it all again and keep on my current path, or maybe I'll have achieved or set in motion an established direction for the organization enough so that I can feel comfortable choosing another path. 
