  . . . to the stupid motherfucker who stole my debit card number and social security number: Dear fuckface, You're about to go away for some time, honeybuns. You know why? Because I've caught you. (Well not really... I caught up with you momentarily because you were stupid enough to cancel your cell phone plan early and I got charged for it. ) Yes, I'm that Heather A. McDonald whose card number you used and whose social security number you used for a friggin cell phone. I've called your cell phone provider, I've called my bank, I've called the credit bureaus, the Federal Trade Commission and the police and filed reports.
You, my dear, are going down. I realize you thought you could get away with this. But you can't.
You know why?
Because your mere $150 charge means a lot to me.
You know why?
Because I'm probably a lot like you--I'm young, and I don't make a big salary. You know where I'm not like you? I don't think its cool to take what's not mine. I don't think its cool to rob people of their hard-earned cash.
I don't feel entitled to whatever technology comes my way. You picked the wrong numbers to mess with, because they are mine, and I don't shut up easily. So, jackass, if you're reading this, get ready for nine federal and local law enforcement agencies to be breathing down your lazy ass faster than you can say "PayPal. " You screwed up. --hmcd 
