  After deep discussion with a good friend...we were talking about regrets and talks about the future.
He asked me what I want in my future....what will I regret not doing? What will I regret doing? What do I see career-wise? I see...a desire to stay in Education. That's the one tie that I have had with all of my jobs - I like working with colleges, I see...from working for UCSB to Princeton Review to getting people into college to more UCSB to NCSA where high school athletes dreamed of playing collegiate sports to Pacific College...why Education?
I'm not quite sure but there's something about staying in Education. Why I refuse to go corporate. Why I didn't go for Boeing or Rapid Displays.... But the one thing that I will regret not doing...allowing myself to fully overcome my fears...my insecurities and really truly fall in love...more than my career, I want a family. Not now...not anytime soon but someday, sometime. I want kids....I want a chance. I want that. The one thing that I value more than anything else is stability. I want stability career-wise...financially...emotionally... I know that is close to impossible. What I want isn't going to happen..not anytime soon, at least. The one thing that I do regret doing...letting others walk over me. Because I refuse to sink down to their level, I let them get away with ....stuff...
Some relationships aren't meant to be...some friendships aren't meant to be. When you only hear negativity from them, you get tired of it. I know that friends are supposed to be there for you through the ups AND the downs...what happens when you're down and those people only push you further down. I know that my friends are honest with me...but when I only hear from you to push me down even more and to put my faults to my face...*sigh* I make mistakes...I'm human and when I know that I messed up, I do try to fix them..BUT do you see me shoving your mistakes in your face time and time over again?
*sigh* Time to stop regretting and time to start letting go.... Another thing that I regret...settling for something. It's one thing to suffer and take on sacrifice but it's another thing to settle for less because I didn't want to really work super hard. Settling...for a mediocre raise because I couldn't find it in me to speak up...settling for a mediocre place...but at the same time, I understand that sometimes, you make a sacrifice or in chinese "tse cu"...or even settling for a guy because I thought that it was time to settle down.
Silly me - you can't tell your heart when to settle down..it'll happen when it happens... The one thing that I don't regret...taking a risk..trusting certain people..opening up my heart to certain people..loving certain people...putting my whole heart and soul and 110% of me into something...at least, now I know...I am capable of putting that much into something. So, I guess that these are my priorities in my life....and my dreams....of Family, Education, and Stability... 
