  i hate who i am right now. its not alright to be like this but sometimes i dont know what else to do. tonight was...yeeaahh i hate the way things get to me that i have no control over. i hate the way i get mad when something happy, happens. i dont like how somehow...in some way, something brings me down. im so jealous of the people that have things going for them in their personal life. im so jealous because i dont understand. and i hate that tonight felt like everday of last summer... like no matter what i did or where i went..there was nothing. and i hate how no matter how much i try, like no matter how much i want something its never attained. and i hate how its really sad that i have to write this in a blog. and i hate that i cant ever SAY anything about this to anyone because all they say is some remark about tyler or shane or something.. and i hate how i find myself SCREAMING inside and no one can ever hear me.
i dont like no matter how much i try or think about something it never happens... i dont like how i get my hopes up about stuff and then shit hits the fan and manages to only hit me... i didnt like tonight.
except for the music. i do love how i can become so free when i listen to stuff and forget about everything...its about the only thing thats keepin me goin right now. i'll leave you with some lyrics (props to you-you know who you are) The only thing surrounding you now, Are the circular memories that infect your conscience, They are the make up of your worries, regret, and doubts. Collective portrayal of your person, Radiates confidence, shine with silence, And shadow the ones below. This drought is leaving me, With cracked soil and brown leaves, Floating on a dry lake bed, With a dry mouth and a foggy head, Waiting for the snow… But, when the water comes, I will overflow, I will overflow . When the water comes, I will overflow. There’s one more thing I forgot to tell you: Worries and doubts will only help you, In the long run, you’ll shadow the ones below. This drought is leaving me, With cracked soil and brown leaves, Floating on a dry lake bed, With a dry mouth and a foggy head, Waiting for the snow… But, when the water comes, I will overflow, I will overflow . When the water comes, I will overflow… Whoa Is Me -gusgus 
