  What happened to love? I remember laughing with Jackie about who we thought was cute. I would laugh about her celebrity crushes, and she would tease me because I liked the "different" guys.
I rememember being dramatic without meaning to, so serious for twelve. I remember thinking N and I were going to get married, and going everywhere with him, putting special significance (in my mind) on everything he said. Remembering his smile. Taking it for granted that we could laugh and smile together. Thinking it'd always be like this, until we got married. Now it means so much to me to honestly make someone laugh or smile. I remember reading under the same tree by a white fence every week, hoping to see someone.
I remember almost fainting when Jay wrote that he loved me. I remember the total shock from when you IMed that you actually did like me. I remember being able to make you feel better, being able to make you smile. I remember being with you less than a week ago. Just resting against you, watching a movie. Love need not constantly manifest itself in the contact of a kiss.
Just that we're together, and we love each other I remember wondering when one character smiled at me or noticed me in the halls whether he liked me. I remember flirting to an absurd degree with one of my friends in Jazz Band. I remember thinking "what if this is love? " for four different people. I remember the day I knew I didn't have to ask for one. I remember your smile, and realizing that it hadn't changed in a day, but every day we were together, that love isn't something you have to ask.
I remember pain. I remember being hurt. I remember hurting you. I remember wanting so badly to make it right. I remember that I'm not allowed to love you. I remember refusing to let myself come anywhere close to falling in love with you. I remember being in your arms. I remember questions. I remember that there weren't answers. I remember going too far. I remember being content. I remember being truly happy. I remember thinking this would never end.
I remember it ending. I remember everything I learned from you. I remember when your friend said I had made a difference in you. I remember being afraid of losing you. I remember taking you for granted. I remember knowing you would never leave me. I remember leaving you. I remember fear that I wasn't right for you. I remember that you deserved so much better.
I remember wanting so much to please you. I remember making you smile. I remember you reminding me of what had happened a year ago. I remember us laughing about what used to be. I remember you trying to help me. I remember you holding me when I was scared. I remember telling you everything that had happened. I remember keeping secrets and trying not to let you know. I remember that I could never keep secrets from you. I remember that you were always there for me.
I remember the times you would cry. I remember when you hurt me, and how badly I wanted to make it all right again. And yet I'm afraid to look to the future and hope for love. I want so much for you to be there, my love. "What happened to love? " What do you mean? When did it change?
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