  This is my first official blog, so mabye I should start off with the typical 150 things about me. I really do want to comment on the idea of a blog, which is basically an online diary, but I think i'll wait until after the list thing, so you can have some insight into where I'm coming from. 1. I'll be 25 on Saturday. 2. Sometimes I feel old and sometimes I feel very young.
(So profound) 3. I live in New York City. (Actually, Brooklyn-Park Slope) 4. I'm from North Carolina. 5. I went to the University of Tennessee.
6. I'm the youngest of four children. 7. I am in love. 8. I'm getting married next September in N.C. 9.
I moved to New York 2 years ago to become and actress, and to acheive fame and fortune. 10. I hate auditioning. 11. The longest I've gone without acting has been the two years I've lived here. 12.
I'm thinking of taking the playwright angle. 13. I'm a really good actress and singer, but put too much pressure on each audition and usually bomb. For this reason, I don't go on a lot of auditions. 14. This is very discouraging.
I am easily discouraged. 15. I am extremely sensetive and by this I mean, affected by things I hear and see. 16. I cry at movies. A lot.
17. I don't apologize for this or think this makes me any less strong. 18. I like the fact that I feel things deeply. 19. I cried at Glen Garry Glen Ross because my father, brothers and fiancee are all salesman and I don't like the idea of them getting hurt, rejected or yelled at.
20. I don't like to see people hurt, especially ones I care about. 21. Ironically, I never give money to people asking for it on the subway. 22. My rule is that I give money to people that have taken me away on a journey or entertained me by playing an instrument, or dancing with a life-size doll.
Whatever makes me forget about the thing that I'm worried about at the moment. 23. I sometimes give food to people on the subway. 24. I am a worrier. 25.
I don't like that aspect of myself. 26. I'm working to change it. 27. A few days ago I started making a list of things to be happy about. 28.
I realized that if you have to make a list of things to be happy about, you're probably not happy. 29. Sometimes I think I need medication. 30. Sometimes I think I just need to be doing something that means something to me. 31.
I tend to harp on the negative. 32. My theory on the glass half empty/half full is that it depends on the goal. If you are drinking it, and it's halfway, then it's half empty. If you're filling it up, it's half full. 33.
I think the glass half empty/half full thing is a terrible way to identify someone's philosophy. 34. Kris (the fiancee) says it doesn't matter what the goal, I would always say half empty. 35. I disagree. 36.
I am, however, very hard on myself. 37. My personality test on emode says I'm a critic with a heart, or something to that affect. 38. I'm not critical of others, just myself. 39.
My IQ test on emode says I'm a genius. 40. I'm not sure I believe emode, or I would have done much better on the SAT. 41. I'm also really good in social situations, and aren't most geniuses a little socially inept? 42.
Statement 41 may show how much of a genius I am NOT. 43. I'm a terible spellar. 44. I have a sense of humor. 45.
I love the new show "Queer eye for the straight guy. " 46. I want to hang out with the Fab. 5. 47. I suppose I'm a little bit of a fag hag.
48. I love gay men. 49. I own a boa. (scarf, not snake) 50. I love jazz standards.
51. I've sung in night clubs before. 52. On stage I could be- probably am a diva. 53. Off stage, I hate divas.
54. I hate pretentious people. 55. I believe people hate things the most that they see in themselves and don't like. 56. I find myself being pretentious sometimes.
57. I live in New York because I like the prestige of saying I live here. 58. Hate is a strong word. Please replace the times I wrote hate with "dislike. " 59.
I dislike people who feel sorry for themselves. 60. I am very prone to feel sorry for myself. 61. Sometimes on the subway I feel better by saying "At least I'm not that person. " 62.
I think this is terrible, but kind of funny at the same time. And everyone does it. 63. I have good hair. It's curly and thick, but can be straight with some work. 64.
I think I am an attractive person, relatively speaking. 65. I'm about 20-30 pounds overweight, which is a big problem. 66. 20-30 pounds sounds like a lot, but doesn't really look very unnatural on me. 67.
I would probably have more confidence if I lost weight, but it happened once before, and really, the only thing that changed was the outside. I was still me on the inside. 68. I worry about how many more cat calls and "eye rapes" I would get on the subway if I was much thinner. 69. There are more parts for thin people, and more room for them in the entertainment industry.
70. I think casting directors aren't sure where to put me. 71. I'm pretty enough, but not thin enough to be a lead. 72. I'm too pretty and to thin to be a character.
73. I'm going to have to write my own part. 74. I think I could be a good writer, though i don't have the jouralisitic style of the magazine and newspaper journalists I know. 75. My vocabulary is small for a writer.
76. I overcompensate by using the big words I do know a lot. 77. This is an example of something that makes me pretentious. 78. I like meeting new people.
79. I'm extremely friendly. 80. I was voted most outgoing in high school. 81. I care a little too much about what other people think.
82. I need to stop doing that. 83. My favorite dessert is Key Lime Pie. 84. My favorite meal is crab legs.
85. I'm currenlty on the Atkins diet. 86. I've lost 13 pounds. 87. Lately I've fallen off the wagon and I'm back on the bread.
88. I recently started drinking coffee on a regular basis. 89. Recently I've found myself to be more hyper. 90. I love Harry Potter AND Lord of the Rings.
91. Alan Ball is my idol. 92. I'm writing a play right now, and really enjoying it. 93. I am slightly supersticous, and don't like to indulge details about the play until after its finished.
94. Spiders in your house mean good luck, and you should never kill them. 95. I am very afraid of spiders. 96. I'm too soft hearted to kill them, and too supersticous.
97. In my old apartment, I used to feel guilty about killing coachroaches. 98. I know this is ridiculous, but it's a living, breathing thing, and i'm taking it's life away. 99. I don't mind if Kris kills it.
100. To me, every living thing is a work of art. 101. Ecosystems are amazing. 102. I probably have more respect for creatures and grass than I do for some humans.
103. I taught myself to crochet earlier this year. 104. It's no where near as exciting or fun as I thought it would be. 105. In fact, it's a lot of work.
106. I like to paint. 107. I'm a mediocre painter. 108. In elementary school, i used to be one of the best.
I won awards. 109. I remember my mom telling me that "Some one is always going to be better. " 110. I think she said that, maybe I just realized it. 111.
My mom died from breast cancer when I was 14. 112. I don't think she meant that comment in the way in which I interpreted it. 113. She was a very good mother. 114.
She was a very kind person. 115. She and my father taught me that the important things in life are family, friends, love and character. 116. I'm thankful they taught me this. 117.
I miss my mother's presence a lot, especially now that I'm older. 118. I never got to know her as an adult. 119. I feel that is a hole that will never be filled. 120.
I'm lucky in the sense that I have a wonderful family, and we can all lean on each other. 121. I met Kris on what would have been my mom's 58th birthday. 122. My dad remarried six years after my mom passed away. 123.
My stepmom is a wonderfully gracious person. 124. She means a lot to me. 125. My dad and I have a special relationship. 126.
He is a really great father. 127. After my mom passed away, he made me lunch every day and cooked dinner everynight. 128. He was completely out of his element. 129.
He was alone with a teenage daughter; all my brothers and sisters were older, out of college. 130. Because of our situation, I was especially good in high school. 131. It wasn't until college that I hit my rebellious streak. 132.
I was a late bloomer. 133. I weigh the same thing now as I did in 9th grade. 134. I was diagnosised with epilepsy at 8, and was put on a medication called Tegretol. 135.
A side affect of tegretol is weight gain. 136. I gained 20 pounds in one month in fourth grade. 137. Being a chubby kid and teenage may account for a lot of my self esteem issues. 138.
By the time I was 14, I had "grown out" of epilepsy. Seizure free. 139. Now scientist have discovered that sometimes when girls go through puberty, they have seizures. 140. I wonder if that's what my case was.
141. At first I thought all the tests and stuff were cool because I got presents and lots of attention. 142. One time I seized and was in the hospital for a few days. When i got back to school, one of my classmates didn't want to sit next to me because she was afraid. 143.
Then I realized that epilepsy made me different in a bad way. 144. I tend to digress. 145. I just noticed after number 100, things started to go downhill and got a little personal and dark. 146.
The internet is a voyer's playground. 147. Secretly, I think at the same time, people want to be watched and thought of as interesting, especially now that reality TV is all the rage. 148. Reality TV is not really real. Have you ever noticed how good looking all the people are?
149. It's amazing, as much as people like to peek into other's lives and psyches, people also want to bear their lives and hearts to strangers in hopes that someone out in the vast greatness will see it and say, "I know your pain.. here is the answer to all your problems. " 150. Or maybe that's just what I want. 
