  Tuesday, August 19, 2003 Ok, so to spice things up a bit I guess I'll talk a little bit about my non-existant love life. ["Anytime You Need a Friend," Mariah Carey] I guess in college my wild and crazy days were my freshman and sophomore years.
I was dating someone all the time then, even at one point my own RA, but once I became an RA that came to an abrupt halt. I don't know what to think about med school, i mean I can't imagine that meeting people is going to be that much easier here. ["Judy Blue Eyes," Crosby, Stills, & Nash] I also have this problem of "leading girls on" when I'm not interested. I'm not sure why this happens, but it's a definite problem I have. I've had several girls try to kill me because of this uncontrollable behavior. I've thought about this a lot and I think that it's because I'm a lot like my dad. My mom pretty much runs the household; my dad has worked hard all his life but pretty much supports my mom on whatever she thinks is best. ["Precious Things," Tori Amos] My dad, according to my mom, was and is a very quiet man. He was introduced to my mother by a mutual friend back in the '70s.
I'm really lucky that they have such a strong marriage, but I have a feeling that my dad, twenty-three years ago, was generally fearful of women much like I think I am. That's right, I said it. I think I'm afraid of women. My self confidence just isn't worth shit and I would much rather do my own thing rather than take a chance on talking to girl who I might want to get to know.
In fact, I don't think that I've ever "made the move" myself on asking someone out on a date (not including to lame dances and whatnot). Very fucking sad for a 23 year old. Ok, I'm not helping matters, so shut up. Perhaps I unconsciously lead some girls on in some sort of ego boost thing. Yeah, I'm really messed up. Did I tell you that I'm an only child? Ok, so about half of my medical school class is married.
How much does that blow? I go from Duke, which is hook-up central, to a Ft. Worth, Texas medical program which is the matrimony capital of the state. Go figure. So yeah, anytime I meet anyone who I think might be cool to get to know, D'OH! they're married. ["You're So Vain," Carly Simon] Arg, I gotta stop talking about this. It's gonna be my birthday, I don't want to be pissed.
I'm probably done for the night. I don't know how often I'll be able to keep this blog up, but it might be cool to do a little bit every few days. I promise, all subsequent blogs will be shorter and more succinct. ["Spit on a Stranger," Nickel Creek] Take care! 
