  Maureen is having a Halloween party. I don't really want to drive to Pasadena, but I do love to dress up for Halloween. It has been so many years since I have though. I never know anyone who has parties. I have to decide soon though, since it is tomorrow. Hae Won called yesterday, so maybe that is what she wanted.
I have to call her back. I heard from Amy and it looks like she has another (maybe) candidate for the collective. I hate organizing things, but it seems like no one else ever will. It kind of makes me depressed. I get excited about an idea, but the thought of doing ALL the work is not fun. Then, I think I look flaky, because I can't get up the energy.
It is a vicious cycle. No on wants to be "first". It has to be established first before anyone will join up. In some ways I don't blame them, but I would be totally into doing something with someone I didn't know. Or who maybe hadn't done it before. That is part of the fun.
I just don't know the right people. I think something is wrong with my car, again. At lunch today I couldn't get it to start, so I freaked out about being stranded and taking days off so early. The only solution I could think of was to arrange for a car rental, have them pick me up at work, get the car, then...have AAA tow my old car to the mechanic. Expensive, but the only way. I got a reservation and then went out to my car to try it one more time and it started.
Just when the guy from the rental car place was pulling up too. Now I don't know if I did the right thing driving it home, because if it doesn't start in the morning I'm stuck. I have to figure out a way to get a better car soon. This is ridiculous. Work is weird too. I have been hearing things about it having a really high turnover, and that only in a bad economy do they get "good" applicants.
Real designers. I think it is going to turn out to be kind of a depressing place. I hope not, but I think it might. I couldn't have done anything else though. Things are just so shitty right now. This is why I'm trying so hard to get something else going on creatively.
I have to do something. Just sitting at a desk at some crappy place is not what I've worked so hard for. It makes me angry and depressed at the same time. I feel helpless sometimes. 
