  Today I sat and listened to yet another person tell me how everything that goes wrong in my life is just simply "my fault" I wonder how it is that I personally am responsible for everyone's actions. *shaking head* I must be the most powerful bitch on this fucking rock! I guess my realization is that my job is to be the "big bad nasty" in everyone's world. *laughs* If you met me on the street I am sure you would breathe a little sigh and say "wow" as I walked by~ Never guessing that my true nature is pain and destruction. *You know the type. Pretty, Smart, Friendly, generous and really treats people the way she would want to be treated.. the kind of girl you secretly hate?
* And chances are, you will want to tear me down to your level. Just to feel better about your hateful little existence. Oh who cares if you are offended~ you are sitting there thinking "no wonder people don't like you" See, that's where you are wrong. People like me. They LOVE me.. Desire me.. want to make me their own little adoring love bunny... Trouble is, I have a brain~ I can't sit by while people treat me like shit and not speak up.
I was taught to say "hey! I deserve more respect than that! " and you know what? People hate me for it. I have this incurable sense of thinking that I should be treated nicely if someone claims to love me! (go figure) I am not the wilting flower that just sits and says "oh gee honey, you had a bad day.. come treat me like shit so you can feel better" No...
I speak right up and call the injustice~! and of course, I am immediately tagged for being a loudmouthed, self centered bitch. *yay on me* People don't want honesty~ they don't want a friend that will listen to your heartbreak, be empathetic, supportive... Seriously. You know what people want from me? They want me to sit prettily and agree with whatever they say~ I am to automatically spew what THEY want to hear out of my lucious lips~ Damn me all the way to the seventh level of hell for actually disagreeing or offering my opinion when asked.
See, it's a trick... when people ask you~ they don't really want you to answer, they want you to mirror what they have said. It's not enough to validate their thoughts~ you have to AGREE at all costs! OR DIE! *laughs* Because I am a lovely woman I am here to make everyone feel better~ I am to hug you when you want a big fluffy hug! *doesn't matter that you've been raking me over the emotional coals for hours, torturing me to make up for every woman that ever hurt you, HUG! NOW!!!!
* (oh, I'm sorry...what was I thinking... let me just flip this switch off in my brain~ you know the one that makes me visualize the psycho screaming and physical threatening as a BAD thing) I am to agree with you trying to control your ex-husband! *He was a bastard! How unfair~! (uhm, you divorced him~ give it up already... if he didn't listen to you while he was legally bound to, why should he listen now? why would you let someone have that much power over your freedom? If you hated being married to him, why not just let the bastard wallow in his own horrible life and let go?
You are just continuing to let him hurt you~ whatever~ knock yerself out! ) I am to sit quietly and smile~ while you make judgements about me having a girlfriend, while you are fucking a married man~ I should file my pretty nails while waiting for you to decide that our marriage is an actual top three priority! (you know the top three, keep a job, be a good parent, be a good husband.... oh wait, you didn't get any of those other ones either) You hate me because my kids don't try to burn the house down. They have manners and don't scream at their elders. It's called respect! Funny, but an awful person such as myself could NEVER have instilled such values by raising the child.... You hate me because I am polite to you, Because I respect you~ and try to help when you ask.
You hate me because I try to be good to people.. but you can't get past feeling inferior so you must punish ME for it. You hate me because I work hard, and make more money than you do~ You hate me because I like to smile, and flirt... and have fun~ you know be light hearted and happy~ But I don't hate you~ I feel sorry for the ignorance and hate that guides your life. I'm not even angry with you... I am angry with me~ for allowing such a person to worm their way inside of my heart... I am angry with me for questioning my choice of walking the path of honesty, I am angry that I let my faith in myself falter because of what someone thinks I don't measure up. I do measure up~ and I won't lie to you.
I will no longer bite back hurt, or happiness because it doesn't suit YOUR needs. 
