  urlLink 5ives: Five great reasons to buy a Hummer : You've been wanting to buy much wider groceries (but have been stymied by the timid width of your Escalade) You and your make-believe wife were thinking of having 11 or 12 imaginary kids You're sick of always being the environment's goddamned bitch You could totally put a keg back there and just drive around and shit They were all out of penises 
