  Everyone I know is at capacity. Some of them say it, others just look it, but we're all spent. We seem to make our lives so hard on ourselves in our collective efforts to live [more? better?]. I've learned to find sources of nourishment for my soul that help, chiefly there are two: New Mexico and John. And I've added one more unexpectedly: feminine companionship. Surprisingly, I find myself with good girlfriends that make me laugh and remind me to not be so hard on myself. Fresh with the memory of my stay in Taos, at the end of a hard week, but one full of get-togethers with the girls, and amid a lovely reconnecting time with my family, I'm happy to say that for this one moment, I'm not spent. In fact, I'm overflowing. My heart feels like it could burst with love when I look at the kids or John.
They appear to have their own light source in them, they shine at me and I soak it up like sunlight after rain. I want to bottle this feeling so I can take it slowly when I need it. Because I know I will need it. The muddy slope, devoid of footholds, will certainly return as will the gray skies and pressure so heavy I'll walk bent over. I'll have dreams of being stuck underwater, and I'll awake feeling more tired than I was before falling asleep. But the feeling of right now cannot be bottled, so I'm just trying to soak up right now as long as right now lasts. God, I hope it lasts. 
