  Friday I woke up to find John not at all getting ready for work, but rather still in his boxers getting Aidan breakfast. I was thrilled, until I realized that he was having to take a sick day because his flu was overtaking him. Aidan was coughing a little himself but (I know, I'm a bad person) I was still going to send him to school because 1) whatever he has probably originated at school so it's not a huge exposure risk, and 2) I was looking forward to a little extra time with my, albeit sick, husband. Looking back, I think the whole thing started when I was putting Aidan's shoes on--the last step before walking out the door. He noticed his dad feeding Ella, a pretty fun and funny ordeal since the girl has to be absolutely coaxed into eating anything other than nunies or bagels, dad was still in boxers, socks, and yesterday's t-shirt, clearly not going anywhere. And to Aidan's credit, it was a cozy scene I wouldn't want to leave either. Anyway, Aidan got to the door and declared he didn't want to go to school. Lunch is probably the thing he seems most excited about at school so far. He carries his lunch box like such a big boy and with so much responsibility! So I tried to use lunch with the whole go get your lunch box so we can go to school, Aidan! Then, when that failed, don't you want snacks at school?
And burritos, you have burritos in your lunch box for school! This was a lucky coincidence because usually he has a pb&j in there, which is all fine, but burritos are his favorite food. When this didn't work I picked him up and carried him to the car against his wishes, with the idea that seeing his school from the car window would light him up like it did any normal day. Only it didn't. Still trying to salvage the day with my husband and without a toddler, I told him I would go to school with him for a while.
His teacher was pretty understanding of the whole thing and tried her best to bribe him away from my lap with his snack and toys. At one point she urged me to just leave so I kissed him and left, but only to hide in the hallway. He was frantic with panic. The teachers were amazed because usually Aidan is the social butterfly. This fact began hitting me pretty hard. Ella might panic at my absence, but never Aidan. I waited 10 minutes, then I came back in and hugged him and told him I'd go out to the playground with him, since playing outside would surely coax him out of his shell. When this too failed, I told his teacher I was just going to take him home. They were pretty shocked and warned me that he might start doing this all the time if he sees it works now.
I explained that if he does start doing it all the time, we'll try a different approach but for now he must not feel well to be acting like this and I don't want to force a situation in which he does cry at the thought of school every day because he has such a traumatic experience today. In my head was thinking back on values, we don't cry our kids to sleep, so we shouldn't cry him to school either. Back at home Aidan must have really been sick because I told him since he didn't feel well enough for school, he'd have to stay in bed for the morning and he actually did.
I brought him books and after that a few games, but for the most part he was very calm, very unlike Aidan. All weekend long John and I never mentioned school and then Sunday night he, on his own, said he was ready to go to school in the morning. This morning came and he eagerly got dressed and ready for school, but when we arrived he asked if I was going to stay with him.
I said no. At the door to his classroom he got wimpery and clingy and I hurried him through to his cubby where his lunch goes. He really started falling apart then and his teacher looked at me to see which tactic I wanted to take. I squatted down and kissed him and said it's time for mom to go. Bye bye! And I walked out. His teacher held him and he cried and I hid in the hallway. A few minutes went by and he seemed quiet.
I solicited the help of another parent walking by. She peeked in for me and said he was busy playing. It worked! I left feeling like the champion mama. I had successfully determined when my son needed me to stay and when he needed me to go. If you're asking now if my moral here is leave and the kid will eventually quiet down and enjoy himself or stay so the kid doesn't feel abandoned, you missed the point. The moral is to try to get to know your kids well enough to know what the right solution is in each situation. Turns out, urlLink the same river twice principle applies to parenting, too! 
