  QUITE SOMETIME Welcome dear reader, to the longest two weeks of my life. The longest, and perhaps the strangest.
What can I say? I'll say litttle more than that a best friend of mine told me today, and I'm paraphrasing- but here it goes, that I was single-mindedly obsessing over an ill fated ill concieved movie that had me in way over my head, which I could only afford to make because I was essentialy spoiled,and incredibly selfish. This is the classsic form of kicking a man when he is down. I haven't ever been kicked when I was down before. It was really something. But I didn't get mad. I got a little upset about it. It was interesting to hear about yourself from the outside to such a degree of detail.
I'm not mad at the friend. Thats just the kind of guy he is. We don't get to choose things like who our best friends are. Somet9imes they're just complete assholes. Everybody is an asshole sometimes. Even me. So as this, first day of shooting, passes and we do nothing but try desparately to lock things down for the shoot this weekend, I think only that I should just try to focus and have a good time.
Do my job and have some fun. It's just an experience. I very well may be single minded, spoiled, foolish, crazy, selfish, and self destructive- my brother told me a few days ago that I was on a quest to destroy everythiung good about my life. But regardless of if these things are true about me, I am doing what I wanted to try and do. I wory because sometimes things like this get me riled up enough to go above and beyond.
But right now it's just making me tired. Will I rise to the occaision, or keep on struggling and failing to get things doe the way I dreamed they might be done. regadlress, I'm going to stick it out just to see, and I ain't goin down like a punk. 
