  I’ve had so many people tell me that I’m too pessimistic: friends, boyfriends, ex-boyfriends, family members, strangers, old people, the list goes on. But recently I realized that I’m not pessimistic – that I, in fact, am the definition of an optimist… provided you redefine what it means to be an optimist slightly.
Case in point: my friend Marso and I were recently discussing a news story about a man who went into a Romanian doctor’s office for some routine testicle surgery and came out with his penis sliced into three pieces ( urlLink I'm not kidding ). Marso, being a man, was horrified. I quickly pointed out that this might actually turn out good for the man. Perhaps he will have his penis sewn back together (and on), and he’ll begin his new career as a porn star, a la John Wayne Bobbit (Optimistic Viewpoint No. 1). Marso was unconvinced. He felt that sewing on a penis that was still whole was conceivable, but he doubted that reattaching one that had been cut into three pieces would be as easy. Again my silver-lining, can-do attitude took over and I pointed out that it wasn’t like the man’s penis had gone through a paper shredder (Optimistic Viewpoint No.
2). So you see? I quite obviously heard about the man’s situation, found a way it could be good, and also pointed out how it could’ve been worse, thus putting a positive spin on an a negative situation. I'm practically like sunshine I'm so god damned optimisitc. Put that in your pipe and smoke it ex-boyfriends. 
