  Been a while, but fear not little brains, I have returned... and with a vengeance. I have been quietly observing society and have added some new people to my list of those who can not think for themselves and therefore are eligible for forced natural selection.
1. Those who use the term metrosexual. This is a new term that has sprung up in the past few months that is... well I'll urlLink The Word Spy handle explaining it: "(MET.roh.sek.shoo.ul) n. A dandyish narcissist in love with not only himself, but also his urban lifestyle; a straight man who is in touch with his feminine side. - metrosexuality n." What completely retarded and scorned by women asshole came up with this one? Does this not reek of some poor schmuck, a la the TV show Average Joe, who was oft times confused for someone of a homosexual nature by women he was in fact actually attracted to?
(This is actually beginning to sound like someone I know... hmm... damn! ) WHO THE HELL USES dandyish IN A SENTENCE? One can find this word infiltrating daily conversations, such as "Oh look at that guy over there! Is he gay? Nah, probably just METROSEXUAL. " What... the... hell? Do we not have enough terms to describe sexuality as it is?
Let's see... heterosexual, homosexual, bi-sexual, transsexual, try-sexual (Yeah, can anyone explain that one to me? Either you do... or you don't... get it? ) goat-sexual, Jackson-5-sexual, etc. As you can see, metrosexual is only going to confuse the youngins' of today's world by offering them yet another avenue of possible molestation by a former pop star. 2. Anyone from Jersey. Now this may seem overly harsh and all I can say is... good! I mean it to be so, as we don't like your kind or your stink. If I find out any of you are breeding wit' our womens over here, I'm gonna organize a rally or something.
Seriously, what have Jersey-ites ever brought to the table for those not from the "Garden State" (Garden my ass... have you ever smelled Newark? ) besides loud mouths, over opinionated mental midgets, obnoxious women (come on guys, what's worse than seeing an absolute biscuit, then only to have her open her mouth and ruin the fantasy with a Jersey accent? ), bus accidents on the AC expressway, hypodermic needles on the shore (It's a flipping beach you fargin ice-holes!)...
and lest I forget perhaps the most egregious offense... Chicky. Hang your head in shame Jersey, for you unleashed upon the world the most scary of all horrors, like a Pandora's Box of modern era, the otherwise peaceful states of this great union are now susceptible to the horrors mentioned above. May God have mercy on your souls... 3. Mouth Breathers. For those who have yet to achieve that elusive evolutionary step of breathing through your nose, beware!
The constant schuch... schuch... schuch... of you breathing is backing me into a corner and soon I will have to lash out as any animal would. As evident by your lack of mastery in the oxygen imbibing arts, I am led to question your ability to master other seemingly mundane actions. Are you able to chew food with your mouth closed? Probably not as it's your only venue for air to enter your system, and Lord knows how I'd hate for you to either suffocate or choke. Can you perform ridiculously complex hand gestures such as oh I don't know... say shaking another person's hand? Just think of all the hand-eye coordination involved... are you sure your brain is getting a enough oxygen through your mouth to support such massive calculations?
What about wiping your own arse? I am becoming extremely vexed at the notion of a poor mouth breather such as you wandering around aimlessly, pants around your ankles, wads of toilet paper in each hand, drool running down the side of your face, eyes begging someone to help, whilst screaming "I'm DONE!!!! Anyone? Someone? Please? " Really... your parents should have loved you a little more and taught you the good sense that dirty arses and mouth breathers go hand-in-hand...
I mean it seems quite apparent to me that the two notions are synonymous. 4. Disgustingly Old Chinese People. You know the ones I'm talking about, they look like the Crypt Keeper with a walker. Usually they're so hunched over that when they run...
HA!... stroll into you they hadn't even realized you were there. Most of the time... But every so often amid the stream of curses and hexes in Mandarin that seem to be coming forth I notice a gleam in the eye that can only be the last remnants of higher reasoning... Those bastard-o's knew I was standing there! Shame on you disgustingly old Chinese people... sullying the good name of the not-so-disgustingly old Chinese people who care nothing more in life than to sit and read their newspapers, pick their noses and speak in a language that not even they themselves understand... have you no shame?
And it's a wonder no one likes playing ball with your genetically enhanced athletes anymore... it's just no fun when one team is playing dirty. Walker my ass... Well that's enough for now... ... ...for now. Remember, all said here is in jest (except maybe for the mouth breathers...) so laugh, be happy and drink all the POM your stomach can handle.
As for me kiddies, I'll be making some more wacky observations, till next time, this is Cha saying, "Beware the Man..." ;-) Peace Always My Friends... 
