  Well, had my first IV treatment.... After one hour they can turn up the infusion rate so they did. I had an allergic reaction. Broke out in a rash and got all flushed. They stopped the iron and gave me more Benadryl. That seemed to make it worse so they gave me a steroid that helped it go away, but left me very puffy and achy. I feel like I was run over yesterday. I should have stayed home in my nice cozy bed and vegged all day today.
But that is not Erica, she is not capable of doing that... She goes and goes and goes until she can't go any longer. I can't wait to see my family next week! My brother is getting so big! Mom sent me a pic of him with his freshly built snowman! I can't believe how big he is getting. I miss him so much, I wish I could be closer to them. This whole relationship drama is driving me nuts!! Ok, I know that I should not allow myself to accept less than I want or allow those unworthy have some of me but not the rest. I don't know what I am capable of myself and allowing those people to be in my life even for what little it is, seems more worthwhile than not at all. Is that so wrong?? I know that there isn't anyone in my life right now willing or able to give more. I know that I am unable in many ways to give more of myself as well. So, is going with what is so wrong?
Is allowing what is possible to happen, so wrong? I am trying to do my best and get the best from what is available to me. I have spent quite a bit of time thinking of the past lately. Things weren't perfect, but they were definitely oriented a lot more towards me and taking care of me.
But as I type that, I guess it isn't as true as my heart thinks it is. I don't know. I am actually getting to the point where I don't care. I have bigger and better things to worry about, like my health. The next step if the iron IV doesn't work is blood transfusions. And I certainly don't want that. Unless my mom can give me the blood. She would and we have the same blood type so I know I wouldn't' be getting anything dangerous. Enough already, later.... 
