  My husband has taken upon himself the impossible mission of hunting down an American flag to purchase and mount on the front of the house. Apparently he has the hook up at Home Depot. The orange-aproned people divulged the top secret information, the precise date and time of the next shipment of flags. However apparently they divulged the secret information to lots of other red necks, trading in ol' confederate for a newer spiffier model, as the shelves were devoid of star and stripe by the time he arrived with his ready wallet.
Only the cool houses have flags. What once was freedom on a stick bought for five bucks is now a status on a stick bought for ten. But no, it is reserved for the trendy houses, the ones with newly power-washed siding and power-cleaned gutters and fancy cement driveways with no oil stains, and that white trellace stuff with ivy. The ones that say, "hey look at me, I'm patriotic, I love America, I am......cooler than you. " They have stars upon thars. I want stars. Darnit. 
