  I had a dream last night. I keep thinking about those things people in department have said to me that hurt: 1. James's "I want the body of a 22-year-old"; 2. "you're so pretty, why are you doing philosophy? "; 3. "what could you have to teach me about this? "; 4. Phil's general and persistent condescending affection.
The dream invovles most of them. Most everyone in the department is going to some lecture. I end up sitting around in some lobby, in a beautiful building, with Phil and two women I don't know. One of them is looking at a flier with James' photo on it; I ask them what's up with that. She answers, "That's James, he's been teaching online courses at Temple for like ten years.
He posed for this brochure and we'll hear his lecture on his body this afternoon. " At which point I decide I don't want to go, but I can't figure another way home except to ride with the people who brought me. All the sudden, Matt shows up and the five of us take off. Phil is driving and I'm in the back seat passenger side. We're in line to "pay dues" and Phil keeps bumping into cars to make his way through the line. He sees the people in front of us pay $7, so he asks the guy if there is a child's admission. Then he turns to Matt and says they should give a discount for bringing Jessica. He tells the money-taker I'm fifteen. The guy says he'll have to see proof; do I have an ID? Phil says give it to him anyway, and I do... the guy is all like, "You came all the way from Tulpohoken New Jersey?
" even though the license says Tennessee. Meanwhile, Phil is driving away without paying. We get out of the car and he gives me a big hug and says, "Thanks, Jessica, I always suspected you'd be good for something.
" 
