  I had a dream again… This dream was pretty depressing in how I saw it… Have you ever seen manila bay during a storm… maybe an early afternoon storm, with strong winds coming from that polluted bay. I could smell it and I was holding my breath. Although there was no land… there was no manila. There were islands of junk, and some of the garbage swept against the huge boat my family was staying in. The boats or the barge was huge, its like a huge pyramid floating on the ocean and I watched how the garbage would hit against its sides. In the horizon where there rest of the Philippines should be are islands of garbage, still burning despite the heavy rain.
I asked mom when we were moving back into the states. Shes quiet, shes quiet when the answer would be unpleasant. I just watched the waves buffet against the ship. I could see some people who make their living scavenging and scrounging. It was scary, I didn’t want to touch the water. It was dark and I felt that there was something there. The ship was so huge, the proportions just hit me when I had to drive around it’s interior. I was in the car with Thomas and Kat. We got to talking about how nice guys finish last. They had some female friends who tagged along and they talked about how wealthy/successful/or handsome the guys they dated were. Being a realist, I kept quiet as they jabbered on. I over heard them relating how she gave a guy a bj… I was surprised when one of my old crushes T. was there. We passed by her and they repeated the conversation. She felt kinda depressed, and I kept quiet just watching the road and looking around, while I think it was Thomas driving. Its then I felt two arms come around me… They gently hugged me from behind, folding around neck high but resting on my shoulders.
… I was… was… I couldn’t… think… I was soooo relaxed and shocked…. I was… its like… “god you can kill me now, I’m ready”. I could feel my heart race, adrenaline was being pumped but I didn’t move an inch. I was so stunned I didn’t notice they all were quiet. It just dawn on me… “WAIT A MIN, DON’T YOU HAVE A BF!! !” and it just hit me, she did and they were supposed to inseparable types. She said that was all past and gone… I broke away… regrettably. We all got down to walk. She was talking with the other girls, while Thomas and Kat were walking together ahead. T. calls me but I wanted to ignore her. I didn’t want trouble, then she would grab my arm, and drag me with the girls as I always walked behind everybody. Ouch ouch couch… its like holding something burning that gave your heart an emotional orgasm. I was rigid and didn’t look at her, infact I tried to look away.
She would just giggle and drag me as she teased with the other girls about how red I was. “poo” I could not bring a witty retort, no funny remarks, no “ha ha”. My muscles just tensed and I found myself wishing she never let go… I remember the place looking like Rockwell with the palm trees and earthen colors.
We watched a movie… although it was awkward being “company for a day, for a person who would never really careed and I was wished so badly she like me back” I was quiet… dead quiet. In the movie, it was then I noticed that she was tipsy. “damn” no wonder she felt like playing along. Her loose hold on her wit made her say all these things to flatter me… and I tried not to listen. It was easy cause I just stared back at her in the dim lights of the theater. She giggled most of the time at what she said.
Ouch. When we all said good bye, she hugged me by surprised as I left with Thomas and Kat. And I could feel my knees buckle and loose all control over them. I could feel all the color in my face go and when I turned to look at her… all I could hear was her giggles and my eyes opened to the dim lights of five in the morning.
I wish I didn’t ever wake up from that dream… god could have killed me with some freak accident and I would just have a smile on my face. And it was T. The first time I saw her and gawked. Glen told me I had no chance. He was right. When she was my classmate, I found out she had a bf already and I put my hopes up by asking her to add me to her list of friends in friendster. Some one shoot me… at least shoot me when I’m having that dream again. talk about gutting the lonely pig... tats what it feels right here 
