  PHILOSPHY (advised to skip its just mental jabber) What’s worth saying… I was talking to buster the other day. I watched the movie “city of god” and there was a part about the main character and the chick he liked.
(OT- I have to admit Rio de Janeiro is a really awesome place) I’ve wondered about a lot of things again… and the part that finds itself in my attention is the role of the savior and the victim or the knight in shining armor and the damsel in distress. I know a couple whose screwed up but I can’t help cause that’s how screwed up they are. I know this guy who preys on younger doe eyed girls with smooth talk and praises: I washed my hands of it.
I know this girl that is being used as a… play doll by this guy who keeps making her hope that they’ll be in relationship. I know of this… … it realy doesn’t help if I drag in this matter… Its just that people can’t be rescued. They have to save themselves and some one just helps them along. It would suck to see someone as a savior instead of a friend or a companion. It also sucks to grow dependent on someone for support where it would be better to draw the inner resolve from one’s self. In short… there are no saviors… just victims and more victims. People who fall prey to one weakness and the other… To the most important point that women won’t get about guys… Me: “What do I do if the girl you dig gets into trouble?” Buster: “Be her knight in shining armor” with no expression in his voice.
Me: “But I’m bitter, angry and hurt” Buster: “Be her knight in shining armor saying ‘I told you so’” again with no expression in his voice. It boils down to that… (Sigh) MY LATEST DREAM I dreamed John Christopher was alive. I dreamed that my little brother was alive. He lived only 26 days from his premature birth and I dreamed he was alive. His living would have changed me incredibly and completely. He would have been the fourth brother… and we would have totally ignored my little sister. We would have been four inseparable brothers. Melchior and Gaspar would have someone to play older brother to and would have changed their perspective of my role and why I play the kuya the way I did.
He would be 10 years younger than me… he would have been 14 and he would be filled with the hope all three brothers had but lost through experience. I was so happy in the dream. I was so happy in going home when it was not only my little sister to see but another guy in the house to talk about guy stuff about. Another guy who I can teach how not to be “torpe”, how to be helpful, how to be able to talk to girls and not be paralyzed with shyness, and a little brother who can learn to GM and Game like his kuyas before him.
It was such a strange dream cause, I was just living a normal life. Work then home, games on certain days, friends and family. With another younger brother, I was going through it all happier. With a little grin on my face that won’t wash off with how bad things have been getting.
Of course thats just a dream... i happy it was just a dream... REALIZATION If I ever get of my lazy but and do anything with my life… what would be the point? I can’t have children for so many cluttered and petty personal reasons. When I move to the states, maybe I’ll settle down and have am-girls and boys. NO fucking way… In haven’t heard of an Am-girl boy or girl who’d show more respect for their parents than me (and I’m not that goody).
They might be better off as meztizos, than Filipino pure breeds but what would be the point if they grew up spoiled. …(this rant to buster) Buster: “ you can’t guarantee a normal childhood, but you can make sure to have a loving one.” Ok… that shut my trap GAMING Characters I want play: Genre: Thriller/Horror Sci-fi Fantasy war campaign Commissar Hess Appearance: Michael Clark Duncan Concept: A strong (physically and mentally) and imposing military tactics leader. Dutiful and Dangerous, he skirts the edge of morality and ethics as he lives in era of constant war where he commands cut-throats and ex-cons. He was once a decorated hero who sucked into the intrigue and skullduggery of military politics.
Idea: I was inspired by “causalities of war” with Michael j. fox. But wanted to play a military leader like his(MJF) captain who was going crazy… but in a subtle way as he begins to pray for his death and keeps charging recklessly into the fray, hoping that he'd die a violent and glorious death not that of a farmer- cold, starving and helpless. Story Elements: a traitorous best friend, a son (he was elevated in rank to be a source of genetic material… siring a son as a new breed of super soldier) who worships his legend but gets disillusioned by him by Hess' moral decisions.
An his men is trying to frame him. Genre: Thriller/Horror Sci-fi Fantasy war campaign Garret Concept: NYPD blue’s detective zippowitz (the small veteran detective) meets wolverine. With the horrors of MJF in casualties of war. He is a morally upright character who keeps his kind streak a secret. Cybernetically mutilated he deals with his new found pains from the surgery giving him a compulsions to improve on them.
Story Elements: lots of action, a lot of people trying to pull him down, a lot of violence. New friends and a very meaningful death. 
