  Blog update 8-10-04 I feel like Preaching (so you don’t have to read this part) I had a weird dream with no relation to real life. I as was in a world where there were these traps and I had to be a little athletic to evade and dodge. There were these test that I was required to go through. It was annoying given that it felt like college and tests again. I think I have a fear of going back to college and starting all over again. I guess I really have to prove to myself that I am made and that I have all I need.
The world around me needs the diploma. I need to prove to myself that all I need is to be as good in art as I am close to being. Anyway, I overheard mom talking trash about us again. I guess there is nothing different about what she says from what I already suspect. I don’t mean to sound like a sore-son but I really do not care (if I did I would enumerate what she said). If she was praising me, that meant for me to kiss her old sagging ass.
I don’t want to spend my life sucking up to someone who does not share my same philosophies and ideals. My parents are slow to know when I am (actually me and jobert) are being sarcastic. Not to mention how poor is our opinion of them given how I compare them to other parents. Yes, I do compare them to other parents. What parents do I compare them with, well with those of friends and the like. I guess the greatest gift my parents ever gave me is that I hate them so much.
My ideals, My personality is shaped by how I would not become them or be anything like them. In some strange paradox, I think If I had a good relationship with my parents I would have been held back. Christine is an example of having “faked” her way through everything. So she’s a whore now. I guess seeing what she was becoming after our parents raised her the same way they did us… it comes quite clear that until they see their parenting ability for what it really is, they will be delusional as they are religious. I guess when your truly evil and a religion keeps telling you God forgives and massages your conscience in the way it does for Jv, my parents and a lot of the aristocratic trash in the Fils, then you know its bad.
Well, in my case… I guess if I look at my flaws… I should be ashamed… but unlike my parents. I listen and give others another chance. I don’t judge to quickly (cause I know I’ve done that to other people unfairly and they have proven me wrong). I also keep a keen eye out for the details that matter. If they only focused on accepting people as they are and loving them for them, learning to see their strengths and accept it with their short comings. They would be better people in my book.
I know this as the pillar of the problems we have with my parents. It is a pillar supported by the catholic church and especially by opus dei. If your not catholic then I will tell you that my parents think you will go to hell, and that they are better than you, they think of you as something to tolerate and belittle. Understand that I do not believe in that. You should hear my mom talk about christine’s jewish bf. I swear I would be shouting at her lack of humanity for talking crap about his faith and decisions.
For a woman who never made her own decisions about her spirituality. She just blindly follows the church and her logic is twisted by it. She says I’m illogical when I argue in debate terms. For her lack of respect for other people’s rights and decisions I am embarrassed by her. I hate how the catholic has become a cult as its traditions and methods become something of superstition and my mother is one of those old crones that supports them. Kari Lopes’s grandmother is cool.
She is one of the leading atheists and a prestigious artist in the Philippines. I’m agnostic and unlike an atheist I believe a god exists or what could be a pantheon of them. What I do have in common with that line of thinking is the choice of how to accept one’s reality. I don’t like depending on the catholic church for my charities, neither do I want them to sell me indulgences (which is still done today at the Vatican) relative to my wealth. I may respect all religions, but when it comes to the examples where they affect more than just personal belief and are used as a means by those who draw power from it I don’t need to explain further. If you can read through the politics of religion you will see that people manipulate what God says or means like a stringed puppet to get what they want, which can be power, wealth, and revenge.
The world cannot do without religions though. But at least the politics behind religion should be eliminated. Like the south and slavery, religion is a way of life and it will not go gently into the night now that those who were hurt unjustly by its actions cast a new light to what it is. Man I’m preachy in the morning (I just woke up but its around 2:01pm). Chat Chat must be asleep. I keep telling my self that work will make the waiting go by faster.
I hope she wakes up ok. She was still sick from catching it from her brother. She tells me they share food. Well that’s ok, I do too with my brothers and sisters. I’ll try to wake her up later for work. I hope she can take a break or something. I feel like she needs a recharge, like something exciting.
I wish I was there. I would take her out to tagaytay for the week end. She can meet Patrick and trisha and maybe henry. I can prepare a little study of tagaytay from someone who might now it well enough to tell me the points of interests. I also have my tagaytay highlands card. A rip roaring adventure in the Starex with a couple of friends would be great, memorable and ideal.
Well just thinking of it feels recharging for me. :D Exercise. I got to work but I don’t have shoes to work out in. Maybe if I run in my indoor soccer shoes. I hope I don’t break the spikes or the rubber spikes can take it. I should work out at around 5am.
I’ll run to the park, around it, and back. I should bring some water with me though. About Dad Job made me realize that no one in the company listens to dad, despite his position (cause he can be spazed most of the time). I think people started loosing respect for him when he sounded like a raving lunatic… and he didn’t exhibit leadership qualities. He was like the average lugnut in school he keeps making stupid quips. You don’t get a lot of respect for that kind.
Internet there is a problem with internet again. This time i solved it by having to pick up the phone while the computer dialed for internet. Wierd huh?! anyway... Game Ran a game for job, jas and candy. DId fine... almost killed candy... but all in all it was pretty good. Its preperation when i start GMing again. 
