  I should ask dad If I could take a leave so that I could catch up with all the work in school. I’m not feeling well doing 9-9… My health is conspiring against me… I can’t tell my boss I’m sick again. That would be so wimpy. And there is a new project and I feel like shit. I regret taking a 9-5 job… it was a stupid mistake. If I keep at this I’ll have to repeat my thesis subject again. Maybe I should just delay it… FUCK NO! I can’t… I was hoping for the OJT everybody else gets… the one they don’t do anything at all uselful. I wish that was my job… fuck… I feel like going into cooking even more than making storyboards that I have to approve again and again… or making them almost blindly. I guess Its all because I feel like a relapse is coming and I can’t do anything about it. My computer can’t connect with their’s… and I have minimal internet capability.
So i can't print out what they're asking me to print out. Why the fuck did I get this job. I’ve got it all better at home compared to this… heck I wish I worked at home that way I don’t bother everyone here who have so much more important things to do that explain how things work to an intern. Fuck… I have to run a game on Saturday and at this rate its better I turn it down cause I’ll be too sick to run a game… Fuck I sound like a baby whining about its bottle. Sometimes I get so depressed I just wish the worse did happen that way I get it all over with and done.
Its so easy to give up… I’ve already given up in this job… I just haven’t had a chance to tell my parents I want out. Maybe when its too late and I fail my thesis again. Oh fuck… I failed it last time cause I was attempting in writing a book by myself… I’ll fail this time cause I’m trying to do this AND finish my OJT hours. GOD… answer my prayers and do something that would allow me to finish my project… I don’t care about the 120 hours of OJT for all I care it can go up the horse’s ass.
I can do that anytime after I finish all my units… and easy. BUT the thesis… the book. I dragged someone into it already… that I can’t afford to fuck up. If I was healthier… if I never met Joy I wouldn’t have gone through that utter rock bottom phase in my life where I starved my self to near death and lost so much sleep to dreaming and obsessing about her.
Its so fucking wasted… I can almost say she single handedly ruined me… That’s what happens when a holy-wanna-be gets a blowjob unexpectedly for his birthday. All that repression just goes crashing down on me. Fuck southridge for making me a dysfunctional male. Rant… Rant… rant… Etc. etc. etc. I better save the readers a reason to read this blog in the first place. I’m fucking screwed. It boils down to me being so pissed that I’m sick, I hated my breakfast – I’d rather starve than eat- so I ended up being so sluggish when I went to work and for getting a job when my better judgment would have been to wait. 
