  The past must be something isn’t it. I have to admit, I have done everything wrong. I started out in a relationship that was purely physical which I had mistaken for love, been in and out of colleges, and damage my better than average health. I began with hiding behind blind faith and God. I was suicidal and really was shit for brains.
But I guess things do have to start somewhere. I’ve gotten over my naiveté. I have embraced life and the fear of death that comes with it. I have learned the importance of friends and family and not to look for “the one”. I have also learned to work and succeed. These are lessons that I have not fully mastered but principals that I have come to understand and open my mind to fill.
In the journey getting here I have to admit that I would love liked for my decisions… but caring about what others think… not what those who care about me are two different things. Caring what is good for me and not to take anything that was given to me for granted. I do admit… I miss being wild. I miss getting my blood pumping and at the sight of a woman who looks at me in a certain way. I miss getting horney that I get all stupid and forget everything I ever learned. I miss having a body that can sleep 3 hours a day and run, I miss being able to enjoy the “company” and being able to perform to impress. I’m not twenty anymore and my metabolism is not what it used to be. I miss pig-ing out four cups of “sinangag” with the viand of my choice.
I miss being able to run and chase my cousin on a bike, I miss being able to spar the way I used to with my younger brother at the back of auditorium at school before x-mass play practice. I miss being 20 and being able to dream and not worry about having to make them real just yet. Being able to run games for 6-8 hours, being able to have a crush on a girl who just walks into the room, or having never having to think of the worst and only the best in people.
25- means I want to work. I have to work so that by 30 I have something to show for. I may not be after a fast car or a big TV. I may not be eating all the fries I can ever make for my self or my favorite instant food, I may not be going out as often as it would be ideal for a man… but in the next 5 years I will become someone my aspirations have been trying to reach.
A man skilled in his people’s arts of war, to be an artist with real meaning to what its ideas stand for, and to be independent and capable. Virtue, Grace, and Industry counts for three things I want to master by 30. I may not have a lot of money by then… a good credit rating would do just fine, but a place to go home to where my Family of Friends are close by.
SUNDAY We were kicked out of Ateneo by the grounds keep. Even if we had a permit given to them they are expecting a bribe from their tone… a bribe we cannot afford. I hate elitist crap… I’m not elitist in my games neither am I about who my friends are and where they come from. I believe if someone wants to play and there is a field… let them play… a tithe for the grounds aint bad… but to STEAL and to PUT people down just because they want to play is something terrible. I may not like Ateneo with its elitist culture… I came from la sale and UP btw and I have never been introduced into such crap as I have felt when I am there.
If there is anything I can say by my right as to giving an opinion I hate those people who think they are better off than everyone else just because of money. HELLO!!! We live in the Philippines!!! WHERE 90% of the wealth old families and institutions were STOLEN FROM PEASANTS!!! SO NO ONE SNOT NOSES THE WORKING STIFF!!! IF I CAN DO ONE THING WITH A FIST FULL OF THOUSAND PESO BILLS IS SHOVE IT UP THEIR ASSESS THEN DOWN THEIR THROATS!!! NO ONE AND NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO THINK THEY ARE BETTER WHEN THEY ARE BORN WITH A SILVER SPOON!
I MEAN NO ONE! IF THEY THINK THE MONEY IS SOMETHING PERMANENT THEY HAVE SOMETHING COMING! I SWEAR I WILL MAKE A LOT OF MONEY WHEN I GO ABROAD. I’LL WORK MY ASS OF AND THERE WILL BE PAY BACK FOR ALL THOSE RICH SNOTY BASTARDS WHO DON’T KNOW A HARD DAYS WORK!!! PHILIPIINE HISTORY IS LITTERED WITH THE TRAITOROUS BLOOD OF THE “PRINCIPALES” (The Philippine Elite) Betrayal after Betrayal have been instrumented by them… no justice have come… If there are any old gods left I pray they give me the power to exact the revenge and justice their children so wish that the deeds will echo into the very heavens.
Strangely Half of me can be traced back to the Aristocracy of old from my mother’s side… and the other half… peasants. I don’t know how but I will find the strength and drive to make a change even if I am thousands of miles away… I’m just 25 but in 10 years 35 and 10 more 45… enough time… just enough time for me to cull them when they least expect it.
I really wish one day to be counted as a Bagani… A justifier… isn’t that a Philippine translation of my name of birth anyway… I pray that the forgotten gods and souls give me their strengths… creativity and ingenuity… as well as filling my allies with such graces… God knows I can’t do this alone. What would be cool if I can make a story out of this… I can wack it into every Filipino how much it is in their hands to make that change. If I could be a politician to run for president… I would be… but if I ever would be… I wish I would have the strength, intelligence and allies to help me pull it off.
An artist for the president would be quite a change. But a hero would be so much better… just like the men of character during the revolution and world war II such as Quezon and Bonifacio. 
