  The world doesn’t have a need for real knights. I came to a realization that no one wants a protector. I have always aspired to be a knight, a paladin. I always wanted to die trying to work for some greater good, but living here in the Philippines is so disheartening and the experiences I have gone through so terrible: I wish I was just an average guy in order to fear it and avoid it or be unable to notice it. My dad always forced me to look at people who suffer, he always pointed it out to me when we moved around the metropolis. He burned the image in me and would not let me ever forget it. You know why? Its because my father was one of them before. My dad was a child who worked for a living and had a hard life. All his schoolmates in St. John would tell me about how my dad would be absent from school just to help out in my lolo’s store. My grandfather was a lechon-ero with six kids. My dad was the oldest and was put to work very early.
They were a struggling family and the effort my dad put when he was little gave my grandparents enough reason to put him through college. He took commerce and finished it but never took the CPA exam. Every time I visit buster in his office I pass by my dad’s picture of batch 72, in DLSU main. He married a lower middle class woman- my mom. And they drove on my dad’s bike all the way to bagio for their honeymoon. We converted one of my grandfather’s pigfarms into the house we have in sanjuan… where I grew up.
All my dad wanted is that we don’t go through the rough life he went through. He was a classic story of a poor and simple man who became rich. My mom was a hardworking and conservative woman. She was a CPA and she was meticulous with the details of our lives. Together they raised five children and went through two miscarriages, a premature born son (john Christopher, the youngest), and an uncle (my dad’s brother, my god father) who put the entire clan into P60 million in debt (through racketeering and stealing all of the property of my gradparents under their noses) by dying and leaving all of us to pay the bill.
My life is just as interesting/convoluted and tragic. I guess it’s a curse but maybe that’s what life is. As for me, I see no merit in me continuing when all my efforts are for nothing. I’ve worked hard to be a good person as well as a successful person, but what strikes me silly is the fact that people like me can’t make a difference.
The difference that I’m talking about is… If you see someone using someone else what do you do? The pig will save the victim and punish the user. If it was only that simple. I came to realize that paladins don’t deserve to live here in this age and these people. At least in America I’d find fellow knights and protect people, so that that evil will never find its way to where I make my home. Why don’t I just say it! I don’t ever want to have kids, a wife, or a “relationship”. If the world will continue to screw itself up I don’t want to let my progeny be part of it. If I had money I’d have a vasectomy. I so lucky I'm ugly, sarcastic, and mean... it just makes this vow alot easier to follow with. 
