  Candy was telling us how Dad wanted to write his biography unfortunately he cant remember what he did. She told us how dad forgot how he punished us. Corporeal Punishment: Its not bad... but there is always a better way other than violence and negative reinforcement through PAIN to improve a child's sense of responisbility and duty. I was telling candy how it was before. When dad would whip me with a belt as far as i could remember. It is scary when your waist high and all you can see is his hand unbuckling a thick leather belt as he walked towards you and your so scared you can't run. My dad was very much and angry man when i was young. He would always raise his voice when things don't go his way. I remember when he tried being nice by treating us out, it ended with him scolding me for forgeting to close the car door in the rain.
I was scared of him for a long time... its hard when you can't remember when you first loved your dad. I remember how much our parent's tantrums brought us brother together. When mom would whip jobert with a belt and jasper and me would just keep painfully quiet. I remember me and jasper being really close simply cause if any of us failed we would see the other belted and the sight can crush a child's spirit.
Seeing your sibling hit with a belt by your own parent at every mistake kinda makes you turn out to be a self centered and pathetic being. I mean i always made escuses and i had no initiative for fear of punishment. I was disciplined but out of fear and not for the knowledge i made a mistake. I used to always make problems in school. I remember my bottom being slapped infront of the whole class pretty often. You can say my patience for children came from this experience. Nobody had time to talk to me or maybe understand why i act the way i did.
I'm sure everybody suffered a belting in their life. BUT, its hard to apply it correctly. I wish i suffered my mistake from my mistake not from my parents harsh action. I'd rather that then be whipped for a mistake i would never experience till it is already to late in my life. I remember alot of time i was a child and acted as one... how i would steal from lola's coin jar, how i would throw tantrums and destroy toys and everything I owned, and how i was suicidal at the age of 12.
I think a child should suffer for his/her mistakes but not under a parents stern hand... but through the neutral and unflinching consequences of the action. Lack of discipline would be punished by its consequences and embarasment. These Days My mother and older sister loves ranting to everyone how "worthless" we are. How we are too nice to our friends, how we have no ambition to rip people of or sell our soul. They tell everybody how spoiled we are by having maids... at the pure ignorance of how we carried ourselves around peers and friends.
I realize how much my mother is a stranger to me. She was cutting my hair cause i failed to cut it myself. Even at this favor, i feel like i can never see her as my mother but as my debtor i will never be able to repay. I don't know my mother... When people are at their most vulnerable they call for their mother or father. Being whipped from both of them... I always see the threat of death with the thought of going down in a blaze of glory... but these days i think of someone else and how i want to see her again if that fear ever comes over me.
These days from Ginos stories and RJ's i find myself telling people about their dads and moms more than my own. Its not that i compare... but how much i have a neutral-hate relationship with my parents... i think if i have kids they will resent me and hate me. anyway i'm chatting with ton and i'm tired typing i'll continue this tom. BTW we will be at south jersey tomorrow. 
