  my mom has a terrible habit of blaming people and deflecting her own faults to others. It annoys me and its hard to grow up responisible with that kind of example. Sometimes she reminds me of kids passing the blame and ready with an excuse. Chat Its hard to be greatfull... its even hard for me to forgive. When i was growing up everytime i argued against them and used the logic i learned from school and philosophy they say my logic is flawed. Dont get me wrong... one thing is to say that you made a mistake... its another thing to explain where and what is it exactly.
Parents as I got Older As you get older you realize a lot off crap and stupid reasons. Thinking of back then how much i would have accepted an honest answer. Then there is the issue about jasper's appearance. It may have not been me but hearing them BITCH about it got to me. How would you feel if your parents always made you feel inferior and pathetic all the days of your life. Thats a sneak peek into jasper's life.
Being a middle child, he got the short end of the stick. As friends would know jasper graduated from HRM and has nothing to show for because he hated it. He is a quiet brother of mine forced into socializing. How would you feel if that happened to you... your 23 and wasted 5 years of your life in a job you can't do. Words cant express how much of a pain that would be... especially when i am suffering a similar fate. Me and Jasper are technically college drop outs.
You know how that makes us feel after studying so long and with nothing to show for. Waste 6 years of your life and tell me how it feels to realize you had to start from scratch... Now smile and swallow that whole load of crap. SMILE AND ACT LIKE YOU LIKE EATING THAT SHIT!!! YEAH! C'mon keep telling yourself you still have time to snap your life back together when your balls are cut. Get all that pain and hammer it to the back of your head and as you look at urbanites and everyone who finished SOMETHING!!!
and everyone younger you see that you are never going to get those years back. Someone Special Despite talent which i know i have and good nature... that is what the UPPER ECHELONS call a losers consolation. I always hoped that destiny would be mine. That i can use it for some good, not squander it like all the other rich people i know and who parade around TV. I wanted to shift the balance and make basic freedoms available to my fellow countryman. One freedom being the power to throw off the yoke of corrupted employers, go to school and train for something that will give (me) one the power to take back their dignity.
Even if i did not become someone special in my lifte time at least i found someone special for me. Special being something to make my life great despite my previous dreams of altruism and conquest. If i can't be a hero for everyone, being a hero for someone is a job that is equal. Its going to be a long 3 years of waiting. It will be school all over again... it will be saving up for a house, learning essential skills my sheltered life prevented me from learning, and the satisfaction that "I could have been a contender" i could have been a real artist. Its sucks reaching 25 and knowing that it takes me a week to draw a picture, and a couple of days to finish it.
The worse thing is despite my parents saying its a talent... they throw it out the window and don't respect the effort i put. Mom " why did you do today? " Me " I drew" Mom "THE WHOLE DAY" Me (looking at her as she managed to make it sound like a waste of time) of course if you love what you do... then take that large piece of steaming shit out of your ass ram it down your throat and lick you teeth and lips cause thats just about how i feel when you keep working on this emotional scab. Bitter If you think i'm bitter... what about my brother... tell him he can't reach his dream. HEck take someone's dreams and crush them... Take it as a hobby and you might as well be my mother. 
