  SAD DAYS (JUST RIGHT AFTER ONE REALLY HAPPY ONE) I had a sad dream and ironically it was also a sad morning. Lolo and Lola left for Cotobato just an hour ago. It’s a sad time for me given that is I’m leaving. I found someone and I’m leaving. Its pretty ironic (again) given that I found someone who really is meant for me (and vice versa) yet I’m leaving cause I have to deserve it. I don’t want to be a bum, I want to contribute in what ever way comes to me. I’m 25 and it would be nice to have what all the other more “successful” guys my age have.
Although, I don’t fret too much now; Its oddly calming that it is a pretty good reason and I feel like I got whats coming to me. Mom and I had an argument. Again the lame-ass parents counter argument is that “you don’t understand”. The argument arose when mom scolded me for lending her video tapes to our relatives who have forgotten to return it. Of course I found it pretty simple to say that: I though that’s what you wanted me to do. She said yes but still continued to chew me down.
So of course you can understand my feeling and kept saying in my defense: THEN I WON’T LEND ANYTHING TO OUR RELATIVES ANYMORE! Simple. If you get pissed at me because I lent stuff to relatives, then my reaction is to regret it and not do it anymore. Isn’t that what getting mad at your son is all about. I went to bed as soon as I had the chance. What point was there to feeling this way if all I can do is be destructive. I hate how moms are fickle. I know as teenagers you can’t see outside yourself. Its really hard to be a teenager when your parents have no diplomacy skills.
I have to say that even if I don’t have much of a negotiating or expository skill, I can still use calm and subtle words to convey my point of view and ask the other person what they think. A skill I learned from being open minded, when I was raised around furious religious intolerants and the people I admired always handled things with kindness, consideration and with open minds. These are 3 aspects I always hope to emulate given that you deal with things with more finesse than brute strength. GAMES I made above average characters in Gurps that are pretty cheesed (or more accurately portraying my ideal character).
I realized I have no arm strength. I work so much on my legs and my stamina My arms don’t any of my attention. I better work on them, I wish I had free weights in Christine’s apartment. MOVING I getter get a list of things (chores) she wants me to do so that I can get out of her way. I’m not interested forging a close relatioinship given that we are really different. Suffice to say I am not as ambitious or worldly as her.
I’d rather have a lot more friends than a lot more money would be a good example. My lack of ambition is I guess a weakness, or the fact that I learned early on that time loved ones make me more happy than anything else. I know money is needed for a lot of things, like going out and stuff. I actually save up for that. I will get a job do illustrations (as a part time most probably). I know I will be working on a day job and that would pay the bills, drawing will be the job that gets me money to save with.
Dad says I might be able to get my citizenship in 3 years. If that’s the case I going home to someone as soon as I get it (given that she hasn’t moved on or with anyone). I know at least that much about that part of my life. It is something to really look forward to. I had dreams when I was young that I would come for her but I was too late. It haunts me, and this would count as a premonition of what’s there to come. I just hope that would not come true (if that would be true, how the dream ended was basically what would happen if it did). 
