  You know I was thinking about the incident yesterday with SFW telling Karissa that I sent her the book. Although it was good for Karissa to think I sent it to her why would SFW do it? More to the point why would she do it while I was on the phone?
Is she trying to make me feel guilty that I have not sent Karissa anything! Because if she was I already feel guilty but considering my disposable income allows me the choice to decide between food or gas to get to work there is not much I can do in the way of sending things to her right now.
Is it something that maybe Karissa should not have? You know a book that is not age appropriate and she will try to use that against me. Paranoid thinking I know but given the recent past with SFW what am I supposed to think. I mean when I have to question every single thing that has come out of her mouth or that she has done for the last 2 years maybe more why would the lies and deceit end now? This has been the hardest thing ever for me. I love my daughter she is so awesome and to have to ask these questions or operate in this manner is an insult to everything that I believe in and wanted for my kids and my life.
I just do not understand what I did wrong or how I screwed up so heinously to come to this. I am not saying I want SFW back but I am saying I wish I could have stopped where I ended up and where SFW decided to go! All I know is that SFW , the one who always claimed to be all about family, destroyed this one and now wants to keep her kids from having any relationship with family as well. SFW is in self destruct mode she needs help yet does not want to admit it herself. I hope someday she sees the error she made and I am there to witness it. 
