  Tammy will be 23 years old in like 10 days. That number feels right. Maybe 9 or 11. Anyway. Her birthday is July 14. She'll be nearly a quarter of a century old.
Almost 2 and a half decades. Practically 1/40 of a millenia. She'll be knockin' on thirty before she knows it! She's already capable of remembering events that took place TWENTY YEARS AGO! TWENTY YEARS AGO!!! She'll be as old as me.
Today Begins the Countdown to Tammy's Birthday. It's not even a golden birthday, so I don't know why I'm doing this. Well, probably because I never got to do it before. Well, I guess. It's cool though. Everyone will know it's Tammy's birthday and they'll all say Happy Birthday Tammy!
Yeah, that is cool. Why does it look like I just held a conversation with myself? Robin, my sweet dear Robin, Rob, Bobbin. It's okay. You'll be as OLD as Nikol. Maybe you, Nikol, Erika and Ariel can get together and start a quilting club.
Yeah, it would be cool. You guys could make your very own special quilts that allow circulation of cool air, so that the hot flashes don't keep you awake when you hit menopause... real soon. Aren't I the greatest friend in the world!! I love you guys and you know I'm just kidding. Besides, quilting is for losers. So, just to recap, Robin is old.
Tammy is old. Nikol is old. Erika is old. Ariel is old. Tracy is old. I don't know how old Maria is, but let's just call her old!
And I too am old. Robin, 26 more days. Tammy, 10 more days. Nikol, how you doin'? Tracy and Maria, stay gay!! Mike, oh!!
I forgot you're old too, but not as old as Frank. I can't really make fun of Frank though, he hasn't started reading this yet. I'd rather my friends know that I'm talking shit about them. Any who, Mike, I have the thing!! I was gonna give it to you today but I forgot it. When you get it you have to promise that it will be displayed somewhere so Karen can see it.
After she sees it you can throw it away...or give it back to me. Okay, that's all for now. 
