  By Dave I scratched my cornea last night/this morning with a new contact. While it gave me blissful comfort during the day, it's true origins became apparent as I imagined it- through tears and bloodshot eyes of stinging agony- being forged in the depths of hell with the same hammer used to melt the one ring of power. I went to OHSU this morning at 8am. I'd been up since 6am however, as there is no greater alarm clock then a protein deposite rubbing away the outter layers of your retinal lense.
They removed the bastard of a contact with twizer style ear cleaner things. Between those two hours though, I was left to my own devices. Anyone who suffers from a problem which cannot be solved knows it becomes easier to cope with if you make it everyone else's problem. So I logged onto counter-strike bright and early for some hard core whining. I changed my name to: **BLINDED_BY_DISLODGED_CONTACT**//pain And I proceeded to play several lame rounds, screaming into the mike that it was sinister to KILL a guy (me) when he's been blinded with a disloged contact. Inbetween rounds I would moan into the mike. Finally a guy from the other team started counsling me and started giving me tips.
"Salt water" he said. Well THAT DIDN'T WORK SMARTASS. During my complete and inexcusable bitching I had a revelation. There are only a few types of CS players. Out of the hundreds of thousands of people who play everyday it boils down into a very few typecasts. You call tell by their names. They are: Player(1) These are the new players, although you can hardly consider them human in this context. They have no idea what they are doing, do not respond to teamplay or advice, and will drop and join randomly. They subtract from the game... which is fairly obvious if they cannot figure out how to rename themselves from the default. Funsie_Bags_Squirral_Wang This is the guy who tries very hard to be funny and creative, and fails.
They often try to pioneer new combonations of sexual organs and animal names, mixed with words a clown would say to a toddler. They often sing into their mics, as if the concept of annoying people for entertainment is somehow novel. SuperKiller Persons under 10 do not understand what cool is. They join the game sporting names like "Silver Dragon" and "Flamer_Death". When these people use their mics, you can tell they are like 8 because they have really high trembley voices which demand to be muted.
7x7//:team-m4|)5ki11z0r These people pride themselves on their ability to be incoherent. Apparently there is something elitist about having an attitude and horrible grammer. These guy's are the souped up honda import owners of the CS world. They also are very good and determining who is a "nub" and who is not. See? Perfect example. It means your new, and obviously are worthless and do not deserve to play the game at all.
{ClanTag}AnimeReference Clansmen tend to be neutral. They are serious about the game, and often use teamwork. Nothing wrong there. Territorial on their own servers usually, probably because they are paying for it. Often in college. French/German Player Yeah... pretty much, unless their cussing at you, noone knows what they're saying. Other then that? Well, you get rogues. I probably missed a catagory. Otherwise? Spot on. urlLink READ MORE! 
