  Whoa, law school. Yeah, whoa. What else can I say about it? I live it, I breathe it, I sleep it, I eat it (and yes, I have to like the taste of it)...it's really my life.
Alcohol on Friday nights washes away my thoughts of torts and the Federal Rules of Procedure, but it also washes away my reasoning and I do things that are out of my character because I'm wound so tight lately. And I'm trying to comprehend everything, and I'm trying but not sure that I'm succeeding. I wish I didn't have to think so deeply about things...I don't think you can ever be ready for this and the changes that this brings to you and your life and your psyche.
I have been thinking about R lately...why? I don't know...I feel like everyone's marriage meters are on full blast and I think I've been catching that fever. I mean, in three years, after this law schabang is over, I'll be 25. Should I be married then? Should I be in something serious? Should I have an inkling of a clue who "the one" may be? That's why I've been thinking about R. Because I'm dating this guy E, he's very sweet, intelligent, and an overall great person (except for the fact that he is a flirt, but I am too, so I suppose I'll freakin' deal for now).
But I don't think he's "the one. " I don't think he's the guy for me as much as I don't think that I'm the girl for him. And then I wonder, "Am I too old to be completely dicking around anymore? " Should I be considering who I date as a potential someone?
I mean, am I wasting my time with E if I already think he may not be "the one" material? Or am I hitting this crap way too early in my life? I mean, career, marriage, etc...I can't ignore the fact that if I don't actively do something about it, it may not happen...right? How long can I just go along my merry way and expect something to happen? Things just don't "happen" to people...I've always made things happen to me. And that's where R comes into play. I thought he was the perfect boy, the boy I'd been looking for that only existed as a figment of my imagination.
Should I let that get away? Has it already? Is there one more chance in the world that exists for us? Will I ever have the opportunity to know? I wonder about it...I wonder. I should stop wishing that one day there will be a one day for us, but I can't. I still harbor that hope that life will lead us back to each other. He may not feel that way about me...I don't know if I even fall into that context in his mind anymore. He probably just thinks about V as the one who got away...probably. But am I wrong to hope that one day he realizes that it wasn't her, it was me?
Ah, there's no way to resolve this in my heart. I can only live my life for what it is, not for what I wish for. But one day, I hope those two consistencies will merge. I'm not sure if I'll be able to live life without taking that chance...love sucks! I wish I didn't have this hold over my heart! 
