  I wanted to be your good friend...but good friends don't hide things from each other, and good friends aren't in love with each other, and good friends don't miss someone so bad that your heart aches and you'd forsake anyone else just to know that one day they'd be yours again.
Who am I talking about? It's hard to say. There is someone who seems to care about me a lot more than anyone else does right now, like, he cares about my opinion and he's genuinely interested in my trials and tribulations.
But he's in California, of course. Then there's someone else, who cares off and on, who's still most likely in love with someone who gave him up so that she could be selfish and noncommittal, and there's a secret that I have that would put the hope back in his heart...and I want the hope to fade so far away that it dies. I am just so out of it. I'm sober, I had a sober day, but still...I'm pensive, melancholy...just not sure how to deal with the phantoms from my past altogether and these feelings like little windwhispers that don't ever ever let me be.
The love of my life is a past tense sort of description, and the current tense finds him in love with someone else. I want to be his friend, I really do. I want to get over this...but do I really? Do I really want to get over this? I probably really don't, I probably just want things to work out for us. But he and I working out isn't probably what he wants. -sigh- I don't think I can type anymore without getting too worked up. Gonna stop now. 
