  Wahoo for faking sick! Yeah, well, I am not faking being sick of my damn job. I do hate it. I'm glad not to be there today. I didn't feel good yesterday when I left, and I'd probably be sick if I had to go in. Man, law school is just SCREAMING my name, isn't it?
Anyway, well, R did not call me last night. I was hoping he would, but where does hoping usually get me with him? Not very far. I had a dream about him last night, though, and it started with us kissing and me telling him exactly how I felt about everything...but oddly enough, I never got to see his reaction. It was morning then. So, I guess I'll never know until I actually do it. I don't know what the hell this all means and I know I should just move on.
Damn it, I know that! But what do you tell your heart? How do you force it along? I am interested in casual dating, some sweet hooking up, but then I realize that sweet hooking up is love, and I cannot be looking for love in every random guy I decide to kiss. God, I am so not ready for anything with anyone, anything at all. I didn't realize how UNready I am, but I can't even detach the physical from the mental, and that's catastrophic.
Better that I am alone. I crave one person and I crave one feeling, and neither of those can be obtained at this time. Best to just be me and not someone's girlfriend. I have no plans for the day, although I should. I did some housing searches in Syracuse. It's such a rip off to live in off-campus graduate housing (owned by the university). Like I want to take out double the loans I already have to...no thank you! Oh wow. They're playing flashback lunch hour on KROQ and "Mayonaise" just came on. One of my all time favorite songs, oh wow, I am so thrilled. "Fool enough to almost be it, cool enough to not quite see it..." oh, heart is breaking. Enough babbling for today. "When I can, I will..." 
