  So, Sunday was the first time I have seen the WWE live. In the past years, these events tended to sell out in minutes. However, with a lot of stars retiring and the failure to find anyone to fill their spaces, the WWE is not a popular as it was before with those who wanted to see The Rock and Steve Austin. By also splitting the rosters in two, fans are not going to see the full collection of wrestlers in the WWE's employment, so the pulling power for the shows is, again, reduced.
While the Smackdown half does not have some of the big names I would have liked to see (Chris Jericho, Christian and the unmasked Kane), pretty much all of my favourite wrestlers would be there, so for £20 a ticket, TFMrs. A-MOL and I went off to the MEN Arena. Now, as a wrestling fan, I do need to make a point. Yes, I know it is 'fake', and the results are predetermined. It is not as 'fake' as some would have you believe, which is why every few years, you hear the story of someone trying to sue Vince McMahon because little Jeb, after his father has told him "It's fake, son", can no longer walk after asking his friend to piledrive him through a burning table.
So, we sit down after buying a 'Cheat 2 Win' Los Guerreros shirt and a programme. The seats we get are at the very top of the MEN, which gives us a great view of the whole proceedings, but I would have liked to be a little closer to the action.
Before the matches start, we get the full legal mumbo-jumbo about the use of photography etc. for commercial purposes from ring announcer, Tony Chimel, and I fully appreciate the work of a ring announcer from this. The way they roll the syllables and emphasise certain words makes anything sound exciting. "In the eeeeevent of a CAN-celllllation, pur-lease RE-tain your ticket for a RE-ffffffffund". Marvelous. And away we go. Chris Benoit vs. Albert Pretty great reaction for Benoit, as it should be, but it may have just been the "Hey! We know him! " reaction the first person out traditionally gets. A-Train comes out and the fully hairiness of the man becomes apparent even from the top of the arena. I mean, damn. I am pretty hirsute myself, but this guy makes me look like Duncan Goodhew after a back, sack and crack wax. As the match gets underway, the Public Announce System gives an 'Emergency Broadcast' for 2 minutes, consisting of an alarm and a voice asking us to evacuate the arena.
It has become apparent to me that one day, there will be a tragic event when a fire or bomb takes out a large gathering of people due to the fact that when an alarm goes off, people just look around confused and say, "I ain't moving. I paid twenty quid for this seat and I'll be buggered if I'm going to lose it. " After, the match gets underway and it is pretty disappointing for a Benoit match, because, quite frankly, A-Train is awful. We get the signature moves from Benoit (Rolling German Suplexes, Diving Head butt) and a swank Cradle Superplex from A-Train before A-Train gets a De-Railer, which Benoit kicks out of at two. I am pleased to see that the UK audience has adopted the Canadian policy of shooting "TWOOOOOOOOO! " when someone gets a 2-count. A-Train gets pissed off, grabs a chair and runs at Benoit, who avoids the swing and locks in a Crippler Crossface for the tap-out.
Nunzio + Tajiri vs. Ultimo Dragon + Rey Mysterio Jr. Hell, yeah! I like all these guys, and apparently, so does Manchester. Even the evil Italian and the evil Japanese bloke get a good cheer, though nothing like the pop for Rey's entrance. Pretty good 'Dragon' chant throughout the match, which is pretty surprising considering he hasn't been pushed on TV. Maybe the bookers will take the hint. HA HA! Right. That would get in the way of A-Train and Orlando Jordan pushes and reduce TV time for Stephanie McMahon. (Ooh! Smarky! ) The match revolves around Rey setting up the 619 but being blocked by the shenanigans of Tajiri and Nunzio.
We get some pretty good looking Cruiserweight spots throughout this, including a darn good tope from Ultimo Dragon and a Tarantula/Dropkick combo on Rey, before a double 619 and Rey's "Dropping The Dime" on the back of the neck gets the pin. Funaki + Billy Kidman vs. The Self Proclaimed World’s Greatest Tag Team BOOYAH! Shelton Benjamin in the Hizzouse! I thought he was injured so didn’t expect him to be on the card. TSPWGGTT get a face pop as well.
Pretty boring match actually, though there was some damned fine double-teaming by Benjamin and Haas. I think there was a cock up at the end, or this may be the first time in 6 years that someone has lost on a reversed sunset flip, as Funaki did. Rhyno vs. “Jamie “By God” Noble, The Redneck Messiah” w/ Nidia That was the full introduction for Noble by Chimel. Quality. Rhyno gets a face pop, so to make sure we don’t cheer him but get behind Noble, he informs us that “England can kiss his ass”. Thank you, Rhyno. He gets an ECW chant from about 4 people (No wonder they went bust), which bemused me because they was none in the first tag match where at least three (maybe even four) of the wrestlers were in ECW as well.
Pretty good match, where Noble and Nidia worked well to get the crowd on their side. The basic story was Noble trying to wear down Rhyno, who could kill him with power moves. We even saw a Gore on Rhyno by Noble, before Rhyno got his own for the win. I was disturbed by an eight year old in front of me, who found Nidia being thrown violently from the apron the funniest occurrence of the night.
Tag Team Titles The Bashams vs. Los Guerreros Eddy is ridiculously over. An ‘Eddy’ chant starts up the moment the match is announced. Nice touch by Eddy to start a ‘Chavo’ chant for his nephew. I haven’t seen that much of the Bashams, but I thought they did their job really well, winding up the crowd with some traditional heel antics. Eddy and Chavo both did their ‘in peril’ bits until the started CHEATING 2 WIN~! After the old “Throw the belt to the opponent and pretend he has attacked you” bit from Eddy, the ring was cleared allowing Eddy to hit his frog splash for the pin. Great match. Big Show attacked Eddy at the end, setting up the stuff for later. Matt Hardy V1 vs. The Big Show Hmmm, I was convinced Matt was meant to be a bad guy, but he gets quite the cheer and most of the crowd flashing the V1 hand signal. There was a little girl, about six years old, wearing a “Cheat 2 Win” T-shirt and flashing the signal.
It warmed my heart, it did. If her family where killed in some kind of fiery accident, I would happily raise her as my own. This was a basic comedy match, with Matt pretending he had the strength to hold his own with the big bastard. It has to be said, when JR say “Bah God, you have to see The Big Show in person to appreciate his size”, it is kinda true.
The match must have gone about 5 minutes before Eddy ran in to cause a DQ. This resulted in Rhyno and A-Train running in to help The Big Show and Benoit, Chavo and Rey running in to back up Eddy and Matt. After clearing the ring, the good guys generally just fucked about with the crowd for a laugh. Bikini Contest. Oh f*cking hell. So pointless. Sable, Nidia, Dawn Marie and Torrie F’in Wilson some out, drop their robes to see skimpy outfit.
Fall out over decision, light bondage for ref when he tries to separate them. The only interesting thing was Nidia getting a reaction pretty close to Torrie Wilson’s. That would have pissed people off if the crowd had voted a different way to that which the WWE expected. Main Event John Cena and Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle and The Undertaker John Cena comes out to a mixture of cheers, boos and a ‘Cena’ chant. He raps that this show the English are crazy. “You guys are off your rocker/ Think you play football, but it’s pansy ass soccer”. Heh. Big boos for that line. He then declares that we are “…insane/ No wonder Beckham left Man U for Spain”. Ha! That line gets cheered, because, of course, there are no Man U fans in Manchester. “I had a good laugh watching the game against Turkey/ He missed the penalty cos he hates this freaking country”.
Heh heh. “You English people make me sick/ You smoke fags and eat Spotted Dick?”. HA HA HA! Cena rules all. Lesnar comes out to a huge cheer, which quickly turns into a “You Tapped Out Chant”, referencing his loss to Kurt Angle. Lesnar responds be showing his belt. Angle and Taker come out to HUGE cheers. We then get a five minute stalling session, including Taker’s Lesnar impression (Kurt put him in the ankle lock, and Taker starts crying and “taps out”) and Lesnar threatening various members of the crowd (“If the guy with the hooter blows it again, I’ll come up there and shove it up his ass!”).
The match gets going and it is pretty much a standard Lesnar/Angle match, with Cena and Taker coming in for the odd bit of punching and stuff. Everyone hits their finisher, including a NICE F-U on Taker by John Cena, before Taker gets the pin after a Last Ride on Lesnar. Afterwards, we get a bit of chatter between Taker and Angle, which results in Angle flashing his pasty white arse. Ugh. Damned good show by the WWE. I quite like this style of show, with no ‘storylines’ and such, just wrestlers putting on a fun show with a lot of crowd participation. 
