  As Dan mentioned on an earlier comments board (which people are allowed to place comments in, even if it’s just any old shite. You know who you are, lurkers), the WWE has introduced a new character – Eugene Dinsmore, retard. Now, let’s face it, the WWE is not the haven of the politically correct. We have had Kamala The Ugandan Giant – a cannibal who was too stupid to pin opponents the right way round. In the first Gulf War, Vince decided the best way to cash in was to have Sgt Slaughter change sides and support the Iraqi army. The year before last, there was the homosexual tag-team, Billy and Chuck, who were apparently to get married on air (Gay groups applauded the decision, saying it was a good way to introduce homosexuality to audiences.
They must have missed the fact that they were evil homosexuals, who then declared the wedding a publicity stunt). So, it’s actual surprising that Vince hasn’t gone for a mentally impaired wrestler before. It also looks as if they are going a different way than “Let’s laugh at the ‘tard”. Last night’s RAW had him displaying a ‘Rain Man’ like ability to recite facts and figures of the Intercontinental Title’s history. So, it looks like he will be stupid outside the ring, but a killing machine inside. Apart from how offensive this role could be seen in the eyes of some people, there is another issue.
The WWE has a development territory, where they send the young wrestlers off to learn, called OVW. OVW has done well in the previous couple of years and has produced a number of wrestlers who have gone on to become big names or potential for the future. There was Brock Lesnar, a legit amateur wrestling champion built like a brick shit house, who became a World Champion within 6 months of his debut. Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas debuted as “Team Angle”, later to become “The World’s Greatest Tag Team”, before splitting. Benjamin is now being pushed as a rising star, with victories over the man the company is currently centred on, HHH. What set these wrestlers apart was that they had no real gimmick other than “They wrestle”.
It looked like stereotypical gimmicks may be coming to an end. In OVW, another big name was being mentioned as a future star. Nick Dinsmore was known as “Mr Wrestling” – his gimmick being that he was the embodiment of wrestling, with strength, speed and holds that could beat anyone. You’d think he would be a natural for the new batch coming through. However, he got passed over constantly. Then, it appears to get McMahon’s attention, Dinsmore suggested himself the Eugene character.
Low and behold, a wrestling retard is of much more interest than a plain old wrestler. While some may be outraged by the character, I feel most people who’ve watched wrestling for the past few years aren’t that bothered, because, quite frankly, in 2002, the WWE produced an angle so offensive, so ridiculous and so insulting, it’s going to take a hell of a lot to beat it: The Story of Katie Vick or Kane Fucks A Corpse “The WWF does not do murder and rape” – WWF Investors Report A bit of a backstory to lead up to the main details. In April 2002, the WWE split into two ‘brands’ – RAW and Smackdown, which would be separate entities but share the main titles. The WWF Championship could be defended on both shows and the champion was free to appear on any show to start new feuds. In August 2002, Brock Lesnar defeated The Rock to become the WWE Champion, decided he would remain loyal to the Smackdown brand and never appear on RAW and it looked as if his next opponent would be The Undertaker. Then, back stage politics became involved.
HHH, in real life, had become engaged to Stephanie McMahon, the daughter of Vince McMahon and lead writer for the WWE. This meant that for a lot of the time, the entire booking was centred around HHH, to the point that he picked up the nickname PoocHHHie, based on the dog added to Itchy and Scratchy in a Simpson’s episode (‘When Poochie is not on scene, everyone should ask “Where’s Poochie?”’). He was unhappy at not being Lesnar’s next opponent, so the writers came up with Lesnar sticking with Smackdown, splitting the brands, and having the Intercontinental Championship promoted to RAW’s main title. This also upset HHH, who saw the IC belt as a lesser title, so demanded a new one. So, one week after Lesnar left RAW, Eric Bischoff re-introduced the old WCW belt (which had been combined earlier with the WWF belt, renamed in the World Championship and presented it to HHH. Yes, he was GIVEN a belt.
He didn’t win a tournament or anything, he was handed it, despite not being in a title match for four months. Now, RAW had another problem – who would fight HHH for the belt? He had destroyed nearly every opponent, leaving no one on RAW with any credibility to challenge for the belt. Luckily for the writers, one guy was coming back. Kane, a legitimate 7’ tall mask-wearing monster, had suffered a serious arm injury that had kept him out for a while. In the summer of 2002, he came back with a new mask and a new attitude.
No longer was he the hideously scarred freak who hated the world – he was now a full-lovin’ kind of guy who wanted to represent the “freaks of the world”. He won the IC belt and was on quite a role. Despite being crappily written for years, due to his size, he was always a credible threat. He became the perfect guy to fill the challenger role. But, of course, in the land of the WWE, there had to be another reason to fight than the Title. There had to be a reason for these men to hate each other.
At the end of a TLC (Table, Ladders and Chairs) match on RAW for the WWE Tag Titles between RVD/Jeff Hardy, Chris Jericho/ Christian, The Dudley Boyz (Spike and Bubba) and Kane and The Hurricane, Kane climbed a ladder to grab the titles suspended above the ring to win the titles for his team. What a great way this would have been to end RAW. However, it was known at the time that only one man could have the last word on RAW, and here he came, with a mic. And the stupidest angle in history was born. "Kane, I promised you that before this night was over, your life would never be the same. You said this is the happiest you've ever been in your life, huh?
Well unfortunately, some people always can't be that happy. Lemme ask you a question, Kane - how happy is Katie Vick? Yeah, that's right - I know, Kane. I know it all. Ten years ago...you killed her. That's right, Kane.
You...are a murderer.” What was going on? Who was Katie Vick? What did Kane do? How the fuck did HHH know this, if no one else seemingly had a clue? ‘Luckily’, Kane was ready to fill in the blanks on the next RAW. You see, Kane went to a party with the young Katie Vick 15 years ago.
Being a gentlemen, he kindly offered to drive her home afterwards. However, as he was unused to a stick-shift car (I shit you not, this was all said on WWE TV), they crashed, killing Katie. Now, this was stupid. If we are to believe the original WWE storyline of Kane, he was scarred in a fire that killed his parents and kept in a basement by Paul Bearer, who later claimed to be his father. Paul Bearer told Kane the fire was started by his brother, The Undertaker, and trained to Kane to become a wrestler and exact revenge for his parents’ death. So, now we are to believe that Paul let him out of his prison for parties?
And if so, did he go wearing his mask? If this is a ‘real life’ story, why does Kane wear a mask? But, wait! Before we can get confused, guess who makes an appearance. "Oh, boo hoo, Kane. Boo hoo.
You've got me all choked up with your touching story, Kane. But since you're out here baring your soul, why don't you tell the world the whole truth? Why don't you tell the world how, when the people from that party were questioned, they all said that you were drinking, too, Kane? Why don't you tell everybody how, when the police got to the accident scene, there were empty beer cans in the car and all around the crime scene. And more importantly, Kane, why don't you explain to the world how, when doctors did the autopsy on Katie Vick's body, the doctors found *your* semen? That's right, Kane...oh, Katie Vick was a whole lot more than just a 'friend' to you, wasn't she, Kane?
The fact is you loved Katie Vick. You were *madly* in love with Katie Vick. The problem was, Katie Vick LIKED you - she didn't love you, Kane. Katie didn't share your 'special' feelings that you had. Come on, Kane, honestly, who can blame her? Look at you.
Who could realistically love a burnt-up freak like you? Now, Kane...I know that you weren't charged with murder, I know you weren't even charged with manslaughter. But Kane, facts are facts. And the fact is... Kane, the fact is that all this points to you. You know it, I know it, and the whole world knows it. YOU - KILLED - KATIE - VICK.
But Kane, the question I have is...on that night, did you...force Katie Vick to have sex with you while she was alive... or did you just wait, and do it to her when she was dead? " Here’s a question – how the fuck did HHH know all of this? From the police file? And if that was the case, why is Kane not in jail? So, the match which started off between the hated HHH and the newly popular Kane was now a match between HHH and a guy who either can’t drive or is a murderous necrophile. Lovely.
And guess what, the match at the PPV led to HHH defeating Kane to retain the title to little crowd interest (especially if you consider the equivalent match for Smackdown on the same show was a bloody Hell In The Cell match between Lesnar and The Undertaker). But, it couldn’t end there, because HHH still needed an opponent. The next week on RAW, HHH claimed to have a video that would prove that Kane really was an evil murderous villain. And this, copied from CRZ’s report of the show, is what we got: Graphic: "WARNING The following scene contains material that may offend some viewers. DISCRETION IS ADVISED" Graphic on tape: "10/09/92 2:30am" Looks like a funeral home, complete with open casket. Why there'd be a cameraman here is anybody's...ohhh, never mind.
I got it. "Hello. It's me, Kane. Is anyone here? " Well, it's not Kane entering the room - it's Triple H dressed up in a Kane mask and "BIG FREAK'N MACHINE" T-shirt. He approaches the coffin.
"Hello, Katie. God...you look so good. Katie, you might look better - dead - than you did alive. You know, Katie...it didn't have to be like this. You didn't have to die. If you'd'a just given me what I wanted - if you'd'a just let me touch you...Katie, in that car.
If you'd'a just...touch your beautiful breasts, then I wouldn't have swerved and gone off the road. And you would still be alive. Yes you would. Y- Yes you would - don't - no. N-- you would, too, you would still be alive and it's your fault. That's right.
That's right, it is your fault, and you know it. 'cause I loved you, Katie - and you - you didn't love me when you were alive, because I was...some burnt up freak. What's that? Really? Now that you're...you're dead, you want me? I want you too, Katie.
I've always wanted you, Katie. Look at you. I want you more than ever now - in your cheerleader uniform. I used to watch you bounce up and down. Your panties...would show. You know....if you want me, and I want you then there's no reason that...we shouldn't...be together.
" Picture gets pixellated where he feels her up. "Ohhhhh yeah. You like that, huh. Shhhhhhh. Don't be too loud. Your parents are next door, Katie.
The other hand too? Ohhhh yeah. That's good. You know, Katie...you feel kinda stiff. Speaking of...stiff...maybe....maybe I should do what I've always wanted to do. You want me to?
" He removes his shirt. "Yeah, Katie, I thought you would - I thought you'd never ask, but...I understand now you - you can't resist me. Maybe you should take off some clothes, too, Katie - I mean - maybe... maybe I should... (removes bra) This'll help. I bet it feels good to have them free, doesn't-- ohhh yes it certainly does. You know, Katie...these panties that I always saw under your skirt...you won't need these... (he smells 'em - eww) - ohhhh, I love the smell of formaldehyde in the morning. Katie...I'm gonna give you what you want.
And I'm gonna take what I always wanted. " Fortunately, we're from the chest up as he drops trou...then climbs in the coffin, lifts a leg... "What's that? Oh, I'm going to. Yeah. I'm gonna give you what you always wanted, Katie - tell me how bad you want it - tell me - yessssss. " We move to shots of flowers and candles and background music covering up the sounds of... oh who knows.
"Oh - oh - oh, Katie - oh - who's your daddy, Katie, huh? That's it. Who's your daddy? Oh. " Back to the picture as "Kane" sighs. "I hope that was as good for you as it was for me.
What's that? I did? You're kidding me. I really did? I did? Oh my God...I did.
I really did it! I really did... (displays - ugh) I screwed your brains out! " And he throws them on the camera lens. Well, at least they warned people. The result of this? RAW got little of the ‘controversial’ press that they were hoping for to boost ratings.
Ratings, in fact, dropped as it progressed. The crowd didn’t know who to react to Kane, who was meant to be a good guy, and so remained pretty much silent. This left Kane to meander about in the storylines until he was un-masked last year (and guess what – he WASN’T scarred!). HHH was left with no opponents, resulting in the promotion of Shawn Michaels, who had come back in the Summer for a ‘one-time deal’ due to the fact that his back was falling apart, to full-time wrestler to offer any kind of competition. However, if you ask people who worked with Vince at the time, you’ll find he considered it a success and thought the video of ‘Kane’ was the funniest stuff he’d ever put out on TV. So you see, after this, retards’ wrestling doesn’t seem so bad. 
