  This contains explicit language. This is the erotic story which started all this. And boy is it a doozy. Précis Mr Bottom (and I'm sure that's his real name) decides to stay in on a Saturday Night and be "productive" instead of going out and partying. That's until he sees a documentary about eggs and this gets him so horny he has to go out and get a quick fuck.
What follows is several hundred bytes of Mr Bottom getting ready to be fucked (of which more shortly) before he goes out, followed by what can only be described as a second rate shag in a bathhouse. Analysis Mr Bottom has a very bizarre idea of what counts as erotic. Allow me to exemplify: "The transition from not thinking about sex to having one's ass begin to twitch is quicker than you might think. In fact, it doesn't take much to set me off at all. The trigger can be just about anything really. Because if you think about it, just about everything has some connection with sex. It's true. It's like that "seven degrees of Kevin Bacon" thing. You can take any object and connect it with sex. As an example: I was watching the nature channel a few weeks ago and there was a show about baby bird eggs.
(1) Bird Eggs - fine. (2) Eggs hatch baby birds - fine. (3) Baby birds have wings - fine. (4) Tampons have wings - fine. (5) Tampons are used on bloody pussies - fine (6) Pussies are filled with cocks - fine. (7) Cocks make my ass twitch - BING, BING, BING!! " I'm sorry, Mr Bottom, that is NOT erotic. I'm after a story about cock. Not about women having periods.
This is followed by: "The first thing I do is light a candle because there is nothing more spiritual than douching one's ass by candlelight. I think it brings me closer to God. " What? Is Jesus going to be fucking you? Why the blazes do you care about the fact that it brings you closer to "god"? You are after buggery, not salvation! This paragraph is followed by several lines from a Karen Carpenter song, and a comment on how much the author loved/misses her. Excuse me while I beat my horn off. I'm not going to comment on the following paragraphs, which include a discussion on the pros and cons of douching (a real boon for those of you who wanted a gay "Good Housekeeping" story) and more synonyms for arsehole that Roget's thesaurus could shake a cluestick at. Mr Bottom then presents his reader with a relative analysis of bath-houses in Chicago. I WANT BUGGERY, not a What's On guide to a city I'm unlikely to ever visit. Honestly. He follows this up with a guide to bath house cruising skills. WE DON'T CARE. WE WANT YOU TO GET A HORNY FUCK, WHICH IS RECORDED IN EROTIC DETAIL, TO GET US OFF.
This is followed by what I can only describe as the most disappointing sex in an erotic story ever: "From that point, well you know the rest...being the modest person I am, I can't divulge the beautiful yet nasty details of our lovemaking. Needless to say, we both got what we were looking for. " For starters, I don't think lovemaking happened. You fucked, you shot, you left. For crying out loud. And, perhaps you missed the point of an erotic story.
It's meant to make me shoot my load over my cute six-packed belley. I'm supposed to be groaning in ecstasy. I don't care that you're modest: I'M TRYING TO CUM! To wrap it up, Mr Bottom then goes home. To his partner. Who he then lies to about where he was. Great ending mister. Summary A disappointing entry from Mr Bottom, which started out badly, and went nowhere fast. Don't bother. Eroticism: 0/5 Style: 0/5 Overall: 0/5 The original can be found at: urlLink http://eu.nifty.org/nifty/gay/encounters/me-talk-dirty 
