  A year ago today I woke up at 6am and couldn't stop crying. I frantically called all the numbers I had for Sarah until I reached her, then threw some stuff in the car and drove to Champaign. I hid out here for a day with good friends who tried to make me laugh and eat - I sat up half the night with urlLink Shawn - and in the morning we helped our friends move to their new house, and I went home. It was the beginning of the end of my relationship, and the beginning of the beginning of my new life. Yesterday I picked up a book on depression just in passing. I flipped open to a self-test, and when I answered yes to all the questions - change in appetite/sleep habits, unexplainable anxiety, feelings of isolation, periods of deep sadness - it just confirmed what I already knew. In comparison to last year I'm much better off - last year's was a complete breakdown, where I couldn't function, couldn't sleep, couldn't do anything except cry and question.
This time around I at least know what's making me feel like this, even if I'm not much better at dealing with it - and the people around me know that it's something I struggle with, and they're supporting me. This is the kind of day I had yesterday: I deposited all my tip-out money from the weekend to make sure my checking account was OK, only to have to turn around and pull out $21.95 (with the service charge) to put 50c worth of air in my flat tire at the third gas station with no free air.
And then I came home alone. Finally I asserted my need to getthefuckout, and went to urlLink Shawn 's for a while, where he plied me with coffee and cookies and sweetness. I hope today is better. 
