  I don't know what's gotten into me these days. I'm restless and tired and I feel like I'm in transit, in limbo. Not like before, though, when my whole life was on hold. Nothing like that. Not uncomfortable, not ill-at-ease, just as if I'm sitting on a bench waiting for my train to arrive and it's taking its own damned time. Waiting to hear from the lawyer.
Waiting to hear from urlLink UIUC . Waiting for my birthday. Waiting for things to be right. And at the same time my friends are dealing with things - job changes, job possibilities, relationship changes, moves, school, friends in jail, friends not getting along - and I want to be there and do what I can. It's too bad I can't be a professional empath cos I'm damned good at it. I'm good at the stopping, the stepping back, the reasoning through - for everyone by myself.
Do you think I could do that for a living? Just set up shop in some coffeehouse and charge people by the hour to talk? Not therapy, per se, just a listening ear. And you know what, people would pay. Sad but true. I want to have the right answers for everyone.
I want to say the right thing and help the people I care about. I want to wave my urlLink Tub Tints bath wand and be Santa for the twentysomething, as urlLink Amanda once described me. And I want to not worry about these things either. But right now I guess I'm just in a funk. I need a vacation. I love my apartment, but I want to not be here for a couple of days.
I want a few days off work - all my friends have been on break the last couple of weeks, and I'm wicked jealous. I'm not eligible for vacation time until April - APRIL - but when it comes around, I'm definitely using it. And a little of me is regretting not paying the rest of the layaway and getting my lovely bike - not that I could use it right now or can really afford a $900 bike. It would just be a toy that could take me places, I guess. And, oh yeah, the RAGBRAI is definitely out for me. No bike, no money, no vacation time, no team.
Maybe some other year. I think a big part of this malaise comes from the fact that I have nothing in which I can lose myself. urlLink Sarah and urlLink Hannah have their work and their boys. urlLink Shawn has video games. urlLink Amanda goes out and parties with friends. urlLink Jen has a million jobs and the blessed herb.
I sit on my butt at work all day, surfing the web cos there's nothing else I can do. I come home and cook, clean, putter around, and find excuses to spend time with my friends. I don't watch much TV, I don't watch many movies - I read a lot, but I haven't read anything that I could lose myself in lately. Time alone is good for me - I know it - but time spent just stewing is not. Resolution #4389: Get a life. 
