  I don't know what to say or do any more. I always say the wrong thing. I try so hard to bite my tongue, to keep the bitter and sad and frustrated things in, but sometimes I just can't do it. And I need more than he can give right now, and I feel so far away from him. I feel estranged from him - and by stating my need, I push him even further away. Tonight was the first time we've had a conversation that was any more than small talk since he left after that wonderful weekend - and it ended with him frustrated and me sobbing. I've given up so much in the search for who I am, for what I really want - and never has it seemed so far away as in this moment. I know that he loves me - I guess right now I just feel so bitterly alone. 
