  Grrarg!  I feel like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh.  I really frickin’  do.  Why can’ t I be Tigger and bounce all over the place?
 ,  Lol,  instead I am like an ass,  in the middle of Winsconsin for all intensive purposes is Cow Country.  So,  yep I am Eeyore…
 I began plotting the demise of my worn- out garbage cans about a month ago,  the last time I had to shovel snow.  I was next to the end of the driveway,  carving out a staging area large enough to snugly hold two 32- gallon cans and the recycling bin on collection days,
 until the next thaw,  when they could resume their normal process of rolling around the front yard and street after being emptied and hurled hither and yon like frisbees by the trash collectors.  When I bought them a number of years ago,  they were state of the art,  the envy of my 'hood's dented metal can contingent -  heavy plastic,
 with locking lids and cunningly- mounted wheels,  to facilitate tilting- and- pulling.  But I soon learned that the center of gravity on them gets all screwed up when you fill them with,
 well,  garbage,  and pulling them down the driveway becomes a burdensome process of tipping,  lid- chasing,  and trash retrieval.
 The alleged functionality of the wheels is defeated by the poor design,  so now the bottom corners are all hole- y from years of being dragged and scraped along the blacktop,  while the vestigial wheels mock me.  I hate them with the white- hot intensity of a thousand suns,
 and was muttering to them as I dug out a snow- niche for them.  " You're out of here in the spring,  bastards.  I'm going to get new cans,
 and I'm getting one of those garbage can carts to house and haul them.  You're history,  you two.  One of my neighbors came by in his car,  interrupting my insane monologue to tell me he was looking for his garbage cans,  which had escaped during the pre-
dawn hours and disappeared.  " But it's not even windy,  I commented.  " I know,
 he said.  " That's what I don't understand.  And they were full.  How far could they have gotten?  They don't even have wheels.
 They weren't a flight risk.  Bleating arseholes Man,  I'm so sick to death of:  1.  Bleating arsehole,  middle-
aged,  stupid,  coddled,  overpaid columnists who only write about babies,  dogs,  tv,
 traffic and cellphones 2.  Bagless politicians 3.  Sociopathic third- year law students 4.  Hasassing emails ( see also:
 sociopathic third- year law students)  5.  Inordinately long,  flossy,  mail-
order catalog prose ( does " sesquipedalian"  really belong in a story about grade- school spelling bee contestants?  Two words for ya,
 Edgar Allen:  Mensa- stic malapropism.  6.  Johnny Depp ( a joke,
 lovey.  anyway,  where ya been?  .  call me.  7.
 Ann Coulter ( Chupacabra?  8.  The Jesus Chainsaw Massacre ( see also:  "
The Passion of the Christ.  .  I hear part 2 will co- star Dennis Hopper with Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys)  9.  Almost anything not written by Kirk Read (
your own ribald witticism here:  ____________)  10.  Ice It was the weirdest thing yesterday.  I turned off the lights,  and closed my eyes to go to sleep.
 You know how,  if your environment is not pitch dark,  you still can see 'lights' and shadows even when your eyes are closed.  Well,  not long after I closed my eyes,  I started seeing.
 the dark and the lights shift around.  And they were forming into a series of shifting shapes.  Almost as though I was flying over shifting valleys and mountains -  with lots of holes and bumps.  At first I figured it would just go away.  But after couple minutes,
 I couldn't take it anymore.  I was starting to feel dizzy and getting the falling sensation -  while lying on my own bed!  So sick of it,  I turned my lamp on and switched the TV on.  Then it hit me.
 The room started to wobble around me.  Just like the shadows when my eyes were closed,  only it was happening with the shapes and colors of the bed,  the doors,  the desk,  books.
 anything and everything around me.  I don't think I was " dizzy"  anymore -  the feel of it was different.  Nothing that I had experienced before.
 Everything was elastic,  shifting towards and away from me.  Seriously wobbling.  For a while I tried to ignore it,  but when the people on TV started to grow or shrink in size.  I had it enough.
 I was definately lacking something;  and it was freaking me out.  So I grabbed the tub of raisins I have and ate a handful -  for iron.  Then,  got up,
 made my way to the kitchen -  with my arms stretched out ( just in case I bumped into anything)  and poured myself a cup of juice -  perfect source for sugar and vitamin C.  Fortunately enough,
 it did go away.  Only after I made it back to my bed and sat there blinking at the ceiling like some stupid owl.  I think I am iron deficient or something.  I used to be slightly anemic as a kid,  and I wonder if that's coming back.  *
sigh*  I only hope it doesn't happen again.  Fabi is really quite stellar!  He is really one of the sweetest bois in this world.  I am soooo glad to have him in my life.  And,
 and and I talked to Fabi for an hour last night,  I was so happy to hear his voice;  a rich,  melodious soothing voice was soooo good.  I fell asleep gripping my body pillow,  thinking all the time how much I wish it to be him.
 How much I wish transmogrification was a real science.  Alas,  my dreams were pleasure and filled with him.  The simple thoughts of lying against his stomach,  glancing upwards to watch his chest rise and fall,  feeling our hand intertwine,
 touching his smooth,  milky- white skin,  feeling his hands on my body,  nothing racy,  simple and clean,
 listening to sweet every- things,  kissing his strong,  yet smooth hands,  staring in his amazing eyes,  and drifting off to sleep with the one I love.
 After this dream,  after trip into the bathroom floor,  where my late night writings occur,  this poem was produced:  Oh,  since I am young as I am still now Oh,
 since my heart packed away inside What great wonder and surprise To glance,  to chance into your eyes To dive,  to jump into pools deep jade green To gaze,  to stare into haze,  nice and clear Oh,  do you eyes sparkle,
 glimmer and shine Oh,  do your eyes light up when greeted my mine To dance to twirl into your eyes To live to love in eye,  so pure emerald To try,  to risk,  it all for one day with you Oh,  no matter,
 none at all In your eyes is where I wish to be.  Well,  I am about to bounce,  but wait I am Eeyore damn.
