  For you aren't the one who knows me true For you aren't the one smiling through and through For you aren't the one to touch my heart For you are the one to make it fall apart I think I love winter, but I'm not sure. I think winter is the kind of season that you like when it's a different season but hate when you're in it. Like summer. What I wouldn't give for a 85 degree day, no icy wind. But I know that when it's 96 for the fifth straight day with burdensome humidity and I've sweated through my third tee shirt of the afternoon, I will look fondly back at old man winter. The idea of winter just sounds so snuggly and cosy -- you drink hot chocolate, beautiful snow everywhere, a fire, Bing Crosby singing old standards, a puppies, flannel pajamas, bears hibernating, the works.
Of course the reality of winter is much more harsh than homey, cruel rather than comfortable. The only seasons that you can honsetly enjoy when they're happening are spring and fall, which is of course not to say that they don't have their drawbacks as well. Namely, rain. Truthfully, in a 365 day year, I'd say only 25 days are what I would consider "ideal" weather, another 50 are "nice", 100 "tolerable", and the rest fall in the range of "bad" to "apocalyptic". P.S. If it's a leap year, the extra day becomes freezing rain by default.
In the one month that I have been in Winsconsin I have gained an appreciation for the friendships I had before I came here and the ones I have newly acquired. I never realized how much I took a few of my closet friends for granted and expected them to be there whenever I needed them. I don't think I told them enough how much they meant to me! I know now, that the friends I have now I'll most likely have in ten years and I think I've got myself a pretty special bunch! So I'll leave you with these quotes "There is a point in life when you realize who matters, who never did, and who always will. " and "Treasure your friendships, not your possessions.
" Those quotes speak a lot, and we should all listen to them. There may come a time where you need to figure out if you want certain people in your life and at the end of the day when you have a few friends left, will you be happy? I was full of grief. Just a weeks earlier, I was filled with all the joys of love. Falling into love. How is it, that the world have become such creatures of complicated emotions?
And the name of love had been wrongly maligned - till it has become a mere round of guessing game? What drives people to be so dishonest about their deepest thoughts? Honesty is a simple thing to achieve. Truths are, by nature, simple. To lie is a difficult thing indeed - because lies and deceptions are difficult children to keep. They are twisted and ugly, and after a while, lose themselves.
Children of truth are, on the other hand, free to roam and grow as they want. I sincerely hope all my friends and loved ones find honest love - honest happiness, maybe it would be else where. (minus one guy) I can’t please people like I did. I can’t be the best individual in fact I may be the worst. I am not like before, I am not a foolish, love is a blessing not a curse but to me it is because with it comes my own destructive tendencies. I ruined things for a lot of people.
I hope I am not now. I've always wondered... How would I spend my time if I had all the time to myself, without work, without T.V., without the computer? For some people, perhaps many people, work defines them. Or rather, what they do, defines who they are. I beg to differ. What people do defines what they are.
Not who. Yet when we're faced with just ourselves, a simple life without distractions, that's when we'll realize who we are. That path of discovering oneself must be sought by oneself, and ironically, it is when there are no more things to do, no more distractions, no more deadlines, that this path can be trodden on. I've filled out my life with too much activity. I hope I can realize who I am soon. Life is a matter of getting past two extreme ends - that's when you'll know where the balance is.
That's where the middle point stops. I'm not real sure what I'd like to make out the situation, but I do know I'd like to make something. You see, too often does something come up and hit me in the face, I feel my cheek, and then wonder what just happened, not turning my neck to see what is scampering off. Maybe I'll look this time. No, maybe not. Well, maybe if it would just stay put.
What if it did though? Would it be beautiful? Or just... awkward? Sometimes I get scars, a glimpse of what could have happened. I wish I knew what to do. I wish someone would hold my hand, tell me it was going to be okay.
Just go for it. Turn the corner, it’s there. I don't want to. I'm fine in this hallway. No. Yes.
No. Yes. No. No. No. I can’t be, you can’t be.
How'd I get here anyway? Was there a door? I see and I think it'll be grand. I think and I know it won't. Which lies more, your thoughts or your own sight? I guess there's only one way to find out.
I guess there's only one way to never know too. That's quite the predicament, isn't it? I've got 3 days to figure it out. No, I've got more. Maybe less. We never really know do we?
Live for today, they say. Tomorrow looks bright too, they say. Yesterday was nice. Looks like its all rosy, but its not really. No not today, anyhow. Maybe tomorrow, tomorrow looks bright.
That's what they said yesterday, that's what they'll say tomorrow, but its true today, if not, it'll be tomorrow...or was it yesterday? One day. That's for sure. One day. Now next year has come, all the promises I made to myself made again- only this time I have the experience needed to grasp them. The same expectations made, yet realistic now instead of cosmic dreams.
I have been taught that failure is the strongest form of education if you learn from your mistakes, but I would argue it is the only pristine form. Every fact, every experience, every thought, is subject to revision, to recapitulation, to revalidation from its original state. To fail is to be human, to fail to learn from failure is ignorance. As I go into another round of competition, I take with me the remembrance of last year's defeat. I take with me the knowledge that to strive without improvement is folly. I really really dislike it when people jump to conclusions about me.
Don't they understand that they just can't assume things by looking at the surface of it? That's way too superficial. When people do certain things and make certain decisions, they do have their reasons behind it, reasons that the other people may not know of because they didn't care to find out. So, isn't it very unfair for someone to judge someone else just by what they do without learning why they did it? It is. why people just can't understand that I'm not abandoning my friends to go with my new friends?
I am not doing activities without consent and help on it. All I ask for is some understanding. 
