  All That You Can't Leave Behind Last night I had the opportunity to attend a buyout party for a couple of ex-coworkers. The turnout was very large and consisted of people still working for the company as well as people who had moved on to different employers. Some had jumped to the company that I am currently working for, some had jumped to 2 different competitors, and the rest remained to tough it out with the same company. The camraderie was very evident and everyone had a great time. Everyone that showed up was a familiar and welcome face, and I experienced a feeling of missing out on a good group of people. This is the 2nd time this week (along with several other times this year) I have felt like I have missed something good after having set it aside, leaving it or ignoring it.
The 1st time was when I started unintentionally browsing around snowboards, and wondering why I haven't hit the hills this season. I haven't taken any interest at all this year. I've been telling myself over and over that my broken binding was keeping me from going. (Weak excuse! ) But looking at those snowboards and hearing my friends talking about making trips to the mountains helped sparked the interest that I thought had died in me, so yesterday I took advantage of the season-end equipment sales and finally got a new set of bindings. And today I actually am excited about the thought of zipping down the slopes again.
I guess I'm writing this because I rarely ever notice myself saying "I miss this" or "I miss that. " But I'm noticing it now. So what's the reason for telling myself this? Maybe I'm a little dissatisfied with my life at the moment. There doesn't seem to be anything that excites me right now. Even despite the new job I started a month ago.
I recently found myself asking for anything, even a little bit of drama, to happen around me. My younger sister told me that this is a "blah" time that everyone experiences during the year because everyone is so fed up with winter. I don't know if that's true for me. I just seem a lot more concerned that usual. I've been pretty good at keeping tight-lipped to avoid my usual negative banter so as to save my friends and family from the deluge of bad vibes, but right now I'm feeling more stagnant than ever. I experience this downer every year, but never have I experienced missing out on things from the past.
I just had a thought. Maybe it's because I noticed that my Dad's birthday is coming up on the 26th of this month and he isn't here to celebrate it. Actually the more I think about this, the more I'm realizing that this is probably the reason. Maybe I'm getting the itch to capture old positive feelings about things because of my Dad's death. It would probably be a good idea to stew about this for a while and think more about how my Dad's death has affected me. 
