  I just went to a job interview. I have no idea if they liked me, although generally, until they get to know me, they do. I can fake sincerity like nobody's business. This is a job I could easily do and one which I'd probably be pretty good at. I might even enjoy it and make some money. So I'm definitely not getting it.
Definitely. Also, twice during the interview, I had to remind myself not to cruise the gentlemen who where interviewing me. While batting my eyes and touching myself inappropriately has, in the past, gotten me jobs, they've never been long-term, er, positions . I used to get job offers all the time. Still do. I go temp somewhere, or spend time talking to someone in a party, and they think I'm all smart'n'professionial, organized and on top of it, and before long they're offering me a job.
It's invariably doing something I would never in a million years (nor would anyone in their right mind) want to do. Like being Lainie Kazan's personal assistant. Or it might be something that, on the surface might seem glamorous, but would be an inordinate amount of dull work that would preclude having any personal time and probably cost me to do. Like being Lainie Kazan's personal assistant. I've been offered positions as varied as literary agent, food buyer, legal office manager, visual merchandiser, nanny, travelling companion/houseboy, and Lainie Kazan's personal assistant. Of course, all I've ever wanted to be is an actor.
Which I've gotten to do, quite a bit. But not enough. Unlike all those other "civilian" jobs, nobody in show business knows quite what to do with me. My very first audition on a Broadway stage, for "Biloxi Blues," the casting director called my agent and said, "He's so great, his look is great, but he comes off as too old. " It's always something. I'm not handsome enough.
I'm too handsome. I'm not twenty. I don't fit the costume. I was Lainie Kazan's personal assistant. Something. I've always had these other careers to subsidize the career I want.
And these other careers always want me. Maybe, like boys, they want me because I don't want them. And now that I want one of them, it's playing hard to get. Junk food for thought. Soooo I went to this interview and they were nice and all and I wore a new orange shirt and felt all awkward and I think they might've liked me but who really knows what they were thinking and it's probably too good to be true anyway and if I get it then what? do I suddenly stop acting or can I do both even though I've been ignoring one and if I got it would I maybe make the transition unless of course I wasn't good at that either but I'm sure I would be which is why I hope they'll call and why I'm pretty sure they won't.
I hate me. I wonder if I still have Lainie Kazan's phone number? 
