  *** I am going to stab myself in the chest. With a key. In fact, I'm doing it right now as I'm typing with one hand, the other stabbing repeatedly, but very lightly so as not to inflict pain or damage. Why the melodrama? XX has been relocated to the 2nd floor! Are you as outraged as I? I shed a tear in the shape of a key. You know what a floor relocation means? The DEATH of ROMANCE. The DEATH of OFFICE ROMANCE!!!
In my hysteria, I thought I just saw someone walk by wearing a cowboy hat. I quickly turned my head and realized that I am hysterically insane now: dude was actually wearing a khaki baseball cap. Is this the manifestation of my grief? That I think I see everyone in cowhand duds? How do I live?? LeAnn Rimes, tell me, how do I live? 
