  Sick thoughts of the day: (brought to you by ye olde well known fact that if you got nothing else to lean on to for stability, even mental illness will do) When I was 14, I would have loved to have the stamina in regards to not eating that I apparently have now. Very bizarre, and quite honestly something that has been worrying me for the past months. When I've been writing that I've been eating crappily, I actually mean hardly. I was always the bingeing type back when I was in the throws of disordered eating; it was bingeing brought on by super restriction (and the latest fad diets my dear friend Jane thought were great and working), bingeing brought on by stress and pain and loneliness.
Now loneliness and stress and fear pretty much bring on starving and the inability to eat, and bingeing really is rare these days (if it happens, it's Knoppers or Oreos and Marshmallow fluff). I seriously can not eat Made some simple pasta last night, and seriously couldn't even eat hal a plate full. What in all the world is this? My body shutting down? Me subconsciously looking for a new affliction? Wanting to control something while all seems to be slipping out of my hands (not that that's a new feeling at all)?
Chronicling and writing this feels so ridiculous to me. I should have more important things to do, more important things to worry about, more important things to think. But alas, these thoughts are here, and I know they are bad, and hurtful and what I am doing is harming me, making my metabolism run amok once I go back to eating. Really need to make in effort to purchase some almost nutritious food that I can handle eating (and that I can afford, too). Not that I know what that is yet. 
