  sometimes i don't post anything for a while 'cause i don't know how to say what i'm feeling, or i'm not sure if i should write it where anyone can read it. it can be scary to bare my soul and worry about who has seen it and how they feel about it... i'm just confused, if i continue to feel how i'm feeling i may go crazy, but i can't help it.
i won't say it 'cause what if it fucks everything up? i won't ask for what i really want, 'cause i doubt i'll get it... i don't think people understand how hard this is for me, or how new it is to me. i also don't think i should have to try so hard all of the time. that's why i'm adopting the policy of acting 'as if'.
i'm gonna take what i can get and be glad that i have that. i wish i could explain all of this as it is, but i don't know how well recieved it would be. if i don't get it, how can i expect anyone else to get it? 
